#why can’t I just let myself have good things
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aroooheartzzz · 2 days ago
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Toxic! Baby Mama Jenna (18+)
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“Who the fuck was she!?” Jenna Yelled Hitting your forearm angrily. You and Jenna broke up about a year ago it was her decision for Mia, we both would split the days you would get her on the weekends while Jenna keeps her throughout the week days, it wasn’t all that complicated until Jenna saw you with another girl. Was it jealousy she was feeling.
“You had my fucking daughter around some other hoe, what the fuck is wrong with you y/n!” You let out a frustrating sigh as you look down at the shorter girl you couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t fine as hell all mad and shit while screaming at you, but you quickly push those thoughts aside.
“Jenna please your gonna wake Mia calm the fuck down will Ya, it’s not a big fucking deal all we did was take Mia out to dinner and then just to an arcade she was just having fun for crying out loud your being dramatic for what-“ Jenna cuts you off swiftly.
“Did you fuck her?” You didn’t answer which only made Jenna More furious then before, you didn’t want to answer because she already knew what the answer was gonna be a simple Yes at heart.
“ call your mom, to come get Mia, don’t ask why!. just do it” and so you did your mom graciously took Mia and Left now you and Jenna Where all alone.
“ what the fuck is your problem you broke up with me now your pissed off because I’m happily in a relationship with someone that’s pretty low of you Jenna”
“ oh baby one things for sure, she can’t fuck you like I can”. Jenna whispers with a smirk.
“ fuck Jenna Please, can I cum already” you Begged. right now Jenna was on top of your riding you like her life depended on it her ass Recoling was the best thing you could’ve seen you weren’t complaining at all. Not one bit.
“ No, you were being bad so.. you don’t get to cum for another 5 minutes your gonna watch me get myself off to this Big Fucking Cock understand” you couldn’t get a complete sentence out without stuttering.
Jenna noticed you haven’t said anything so she decided to torture you some more by clenching around your hard aching cock, your eyes rolled back as you let out a loud. “yes fuck yes I Understand!”
“ good,fuck Y/n you feel so good I’m about to cum soon” Jenna Moaned Loudly you were holding it with all your power, but you knew you were gonna fail miserably with how hard she was clenching around you.
“Fuck Jenna I can’t hold it much longer” Your thrusts over powered you. The sound of skin clapping filled the room, Jenna’s Moans are loud loud enough to the point the cops would probably be called.
“ shit y/n cum inside of me please fill me up Baby” As she wished you did as she asked. You spilled deep inside of her, she clenched around you tightly causing your eyes to roll in the back of your head.
“You were Jealous weren’t you?”
“Shut the fuck up”.
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marsdql · 1 day ago
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Finders, keepers ! — part.2
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⌖ p. 𝘮𝘢𝘧𝘪𝘢!𝘭𝘦𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘶𝘯𝘨 ⤫ 𝘧𝘦𝘮!𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳﹒wc: 2.3k﹒g . 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘤𝘳𝘪𝘮𝘦, 𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦, t𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘳, smut, angst﹒cw. 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦/𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘦, 𝘬𝘪𝘥𝘯𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨/𝘢𝘣𝘥𝘶𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦/𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘴, 𝘵𝘰𝘹𝘪𝘤 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱𝘴, degrading, smut, (p in v), possession, masturbation﹒tgl: @rii7eis7 @lavxndxrsworld @babygirlskz98 @profoundruinsunknown @lilmarsh-t @shadowyperfectionllama
marea talks; part 2 of finder’s keepers! I’m shadowbanned guys it’s been so bad… so reblogs r very appreciated atm.. okay enjoy | not proofread..
ᡣ𐭩 synopsis ﹒ After this mysterious mafia boss captured you and tied you up, the last thing you expected was to belong to him completely…
— 18+ . AHEAD ────୨ৎ──── MINORS . DNI —
You flinched at the deep groan, your body tensing up as the man’s hand trailed lazily down your back. “Darling, I asked you a question,” Mr. Lee said, his tone calm but laced with authority. His fingers curled into your hair, tugging slightly to force your gaze upward. “I don’t like repeating myself.”
“I-I don’t know,” you stammered, your voice trembling. The tight restraints around your limbs made it impossible to shift away from him.
He leaned in closer, his breath warm against your cheek. “That’s not an answer, sweetheart. Try again.”
“Yes,” you whispered. “I slept… okay.”
Mr. Lee hummed, his fingers trailing from your hair to the back of your neck. The touch sent shivers down your spine, a mix of fear and something you couldn’t quite name. “Good. At least you’re honest. Unlike your little ex-boyfriend.”
You flinched at the mention of Damien. The reality of the situation hit you like a brick—he had betrayed you. Sold you off to pay his debts. And now, here you were, tied up and at the mercy of this man.
“Why are you doing this?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.
Mr. Lee chuckled, low and deep. “Doing what, doll? Keeping you safe? Treating you better than that pathetic excuse of a man ever did?”
“Safe?” you repeated, incredulous. “You call this safe?”
He tilted his head, his dark eyes narrowing slightly. “You think Damien would’ve kept you safe? Do you even realize how far up his neck he was in trouble? If I hadn’t stepped in, you’d be in a much worse situation right now. Trust me, sweetheart, I’m the best option you’ve got.”
You bit your lip, refusing to respond. Part of you wanted to argue, to fight back, but his presence was overwhelming. He radiated power, and you knew better than to push him too far.
“Let’s get something straight,” Mr. Lee continued, his tone shifting to something darker. “I don’t tolerate defiance. You play nice, and I’ll make this as comfortable as possible for you. But if you try anything stupid…” He trailed off, his hand gripping your chin with enough force to make you wince. “Well, I don’t think I need to spell it out for you.”
You nodded quickly, your heart pounding in your chest.
“Good girl,” he murmured, releasing your chin. He stood up, towering over you as he adjusted his suit jacket. “Now, let’s get those ropes off. Can’t have you bruised up, can we? That wouldn’t do.”
Despite his words, his actions were anything but gentle. He untied the ropes with swift, practiced movements, his grip on your arms firm as he pulled you to your feet. Your legs wobbled, and he caught you effortlessly, his hands gripping your waist to steady you.
“Careful,” he said, his voice softening for a moment. “Don’t want you hurting yourself.”
The juxtaposition of his harsh demeanor and the way he held you so carefully left you confused. Was he being kind, or was this just another way to assert control?
“You’ll stay here for now,” he said, guiding you toward a plush chair in the corner of the room. “And don’t even think about trying to leave. You won’t get far.”
“What do you want from me?” you asked, your voice breaking.
Mr. Lee crouched down in front of you, his hands resting on the arms of the chair, caging you in. “What do I want?” he repeated, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “I want what’s owed to me. And until Damien figures out how to pay up, you’re mine.”
“But you said—”
“I said I’d let you go when Damien pays me back,” he interrupted, his tone sharp. “But let’s be real, sweetheart. Do you really think he’s coming back for you? He sold you off without a second thought.”
Tears welled up in your eyes, and you looked away, unable to meet his gaze.
“Hey,” he said, his hand cupping your cheek and forcing you to look at him. “Don’t waste your tears on him. He’s not worth it. You deserve better than that spineless bastard.”
The sincerity in his words took you by surprise. But before you could process it, his thumb brushed away a stray tear, his touch lingering.
“You’re mine now, doll,” he said, his voice dropping to a whisper. “And I take care of what’s mine.”
The weight of his words settled heavily on your chest. Whether you liked it or not, you were at his mercy. And something told you he wasn’t planning on letting you go anytime soon.
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You woke up groggily, the dull ache in your head reminding you of the explosion. The room was dim, the soft light of a bedside lamp casting long shadows. You blinked a few times, trying to adjust to the haze, only to realize you were lying on an unfamiliar bed, your hand bandaged and resting on a pillow.
A figure loomed nearby, seated in a chair with one leg crossed over the other. Heeseung. His shirt sleeves were rolled up, his tie discarded, and the top buttons of his shirt undone. His dark gaze met yours as he swirled a glass of whiskey in his hand, the amber liquid catching the light.
“Awake, finally,” he said, his voice low and smooth, with a tinge of sarcasm. He leaned back, his posture relaxed but his eyes sharp, watching your every move.
“What… what happened?” you croaked, your throat dry.
He smirked, tilting his head slightly as he set the glass down on the side table. “You decided to take a nap in the middle of chaos, doll. Lucky for you, I don’t leave my things behind.”
You frowned at his words. “I’m not your—”
“Careful,” he cut you off, his voice dropping an octave. He stood and approached the bed, his tall frame towering over you. “You’re in no position to argue right now.”
Your breath hitched as he leaned down, one hand pressing into the mattress beside your head while the other gently brushed a stray hair from your face. His touch was surprisingly tender, but the proximity made your heart race for reasons you didn’t want to admit.
“You’ve got quite the habit of getting yourself into trouble,” he murmured, his lips curving into a smirk. His fingers trailed down your cheek, lingering for a moment before pulling away. “It’s almost like you’re begging for someone to take care of you.”
Your cheeks flushed at his insinuation, and you turned your head away. “I didn’t ask for your help,” you muttered, your voice barely audible.
He chuckled softly, a dark, velvety sound that sent a shiver down your spine. “No, you didn’t. But that’s the thing about me, sweetheart. I don’t need permission to protect what’s mine.”
His words hung in the air, heavy and suggestive, as he straightened up and began rolling down his sleeves.
“Get some rest,” he ordered, his tone shifting back to its usual coldness. But as he turned to leave, he paused in the doorway, his silhouette framed by the dim light from the hallway.
“And don’t think about running,” he added, glancing over his shoulder with a smirk. “Not unless you want me to chase you.”
The door clicked shut behind him, leaving you alone in the oppressive silence. You sank back into the pillows, your heart pounding as you replayed his words in your mind. As much as you hated to admit it, there was something about Heeseung—his presence, his intensity—that you couldn’t ignore.
And that terrified you.
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You lay there in the dim light, the weight of Heeseung’s words still hanging in the air like smoke. His presence lingered in your thoughts, even though the door had closed behind him. You wanted to shake off the feeling, but the tension he left behind was palpable. He wasn’t like anyone you had ever encountered. He was dark, commanding, and there was something in his eyes that made you feel like you had no choice but to listen to him.
Minutes stretched into what felt like hours before you heard footsteps approaching again. The door creaked open, and Heeseung stepped back into the room, his presence like a storm rolling in. His expression was more severe this time, and the usual cocky smirk was replaced with a look that was almost unreadable.
You instinctively tensed, but Heeseung’s eyes scanned you coldly, taking in every detail of your posture, your hands still resting on the bed. His eyes narrowed as they settled on the bandages wrapped around your hand.
“Still acting like a victim, huh?” he remarked, his voice cutting through the silence like a blade. “You’re not a child. Stop playing helpless.”
The words hit you harder than you expected. You knew you weren’t helpless, but the way he said it made something inside you churn. Heeseung didn’t give you a chance to respond. He moved toward you quickly, his footsteps heavy on the floor, and before you could even blink, he was standing at your bedside.
His gaze was colder than before, his presence suffocating as he loomed over you. “I’ve told you before, don’t make me repeat myself,” he said, his voice low and harsh. “You’re under my care now. And I don’t take kindly to defiance.”
You couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. His words hung in the air like a chain around your neck. Heeseung’s hand shot out and gripped your wrist, his fingers tight enough to make you wince. The pain from your hand felt amplified under his touch, but you couldn’t pull away.
“Look at me when I’m talking to you,” he demanded, his voice like gravel scraping against your skin.
You lifted your eyes, meeting his gaze, but something in you recoiled at the intensity. There was no softness in his expression now, only a dark resolve.
“I don’t like being ignored,” he continued, his grip tightening even more, making you gasp in discomfort. “And I don’t like being questioned. If you think you can get away from me, think again. There’s nowhere you can hide.”
The words stung. You had no room to breathe, no space to think. Everything he said made it feel like you were cornered, trapped. But there was something else too—a strange, terrifying pull toward him that you couldn’t deny. Despite everything, part of you couldn’t stop yourself from being drawn in by him.
Heeseung’s face was mere inches from yours now, his breath warm against your skin. “You’re mine now, and I don’t tolerate disobedience. You’ll learn that quickly enough.”
The words sent a chill down your spine, but before you could respond, he let go of your wrist with a harsh push, causing you to stumble back slightly. His eyes were still locked on you, colder than before, as if daring you to defy him again.
“Hey, sit up.” He demanded. You did as you were told. “Strip for me.” And to both you and his surprise—that is exactly what you did.
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With a gentle smile and a rising and falling chest to hold back a sigh, he says, "Fuck... Thats it, baby.“ Every time he finds himself with a fist around his cock, you play his name over and over again like a broken record, letting out each syllable in a syrupy sweet whiny manner. even going so far as to press his face against one of his pillowcases, which still had your shampoo residue.
Heeseung uses his weight on the pits of your knees to keep your ass angled up as he pulls himself out to just the tip. He throbs against your opening while his red-swollen cock tip adorns your abused hole. "You desire it."
‘mhh..L-. Heesseung...’
He grunts as he pushes back, taking his time to feel you suck around every inch of his thick size. "So cute," he coos. allowing you to feel every inch of him as he shapes your hole. He jumps inside you, pushing balls deep, and you let out a loud, moaning gasp. “I own you. I have you all to myself.“
In spite of how dry and scratchy it feels, thrusting picks up speed again, gripping groans out of your throat. Heeseung tries to force you to watch by pushing your body in half with her hands on your legs. spread wide enough for you to see exactly where your pussy tugs on his shaft. You pulsate and clench around him while milking him to cum.
“you want me to stuff this lovely pussy? hmm?” He presses his hips against your ass to emphasize. You can only nod your head stupidly while your cock dips in and out of you angrily.
"H-hee…Heeseung—Heeseung.”
You throw your head back and let out a final cry as the broken prayer of his name falls from your lips. His pussy squeezed so tightly that he had to pause for a moment to catch his breath. The fresh smell of body wash fills your head with everything Heeseung, and the sweat between your bodies is secreting quickly.
He says roughly, almost to the point of exhaustion, "that’s my good girl." As he gets closer, you are further confined to the bed and have no option but to accept it. "There you go fuck yourself on my cock pretty girl, forget about your stupid boyfriend—you have—fuck, you have me”
His thrusts become unpredictable, causing your hypersensitivity to go into overdrive and turn into a meandering mess. He is pushed over the edge by the sight of your pussy taking it despite the pain and you mouthing his name. Shooting hot white strings to the final drop, lips twitching, coming to a still point. shallowly fucking the final few spurts until you writhe and scream as you toss your head back and forth.
He keeps you held open by letting your legs drop. The gush of cum that will not leave you is captivating. Holding on to the base of his length, your tiny cunt is unable to handle it and tries to push it back in.
You nod off a few seconds later; perhaps this mafia is not so horrible after all.
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dreatopia · 2 days ago
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What do I do? |  Paige Bueckers x fem!Reader
 Warnings: Smut!!! (but not in the way you think...)
 A/n: This is my first time writing anything on here so be nice! I got inspired by Sza for this and tbh i might just keep up the Sza theme for all of these stories... if I end up writing more. Enjoy!!
 “Last night, you called on accident. heard you fucking on the other end.”
Paige:
I heard the phone buzz on the nightstand, its glow illuminating the dim room. Lost in the moment, I almost ignored it, but I let my curiosity get the best of me. Reaching over, I glanced at the screen and saw the name—her name. 
"Why the hell is she calling me?" I muttered, sliding out from under the sheets and grabbing the phone.  I swiped to answer, my heart pounding. "Hey, what's up," I said, trying to keep my tone as normal as possible—even though I was internally shaking. What I heard next should have made me hang up immediately, but I didn’t. For a moment, there was only silence, followed by faint breathing and muffled voices in the background. Then I heard her voice. 
"Ohhh fuckkk…" I heard the familiar sounds of her moans, and suddenly my own breath started to become shallow. I froze in place. She must've called on accident, I was sure. I should hang up, but I really didn’t want to. I’d missed the sweet sound of her moans, especially when they were laced with my name. At this point, she was muttering incoherently—a name I didn’t understand—a name that wasn’t mine.
"Yes, just like that, Audrey…"
I felt my knuckles turn white, my jaw tensing with anger. Who the fuck is Audrey? The phone sat on my bed, and I listened, consumed by pure, seething rage. I could hear that bitch on the other end, talking to her, but it was nothing like how I would’ve done it. I would’ve told her how good of a girl she was being for me- how she was the most gorgeous girl I’d ever seen. But Audrey? She wasn’t doing any of that.
I felt like a freak for listening, but I couldn’t stop. I needed to hear her finish, to know if she was as good as I was.
My chest tightened as I got lost in the sound of her moans—even though they weren’t for me. My hands betrayed me, slipping down my pants and into my folds. I muted myself, not wanting my own moans to be heard. My fingers found my clit while my other hand cupped my breast. I can’t believe I’m getting off to my ex moaning for another girl.
But I couldn’t stop.
I heard her getting closer, her breaths quickening. Something sounded off, though, like she was faking it. A smirk tugged at my lips at the thought of her pretending. If I were there, she wouldn’t have to fake a damn thing.
Except I wasn’t there. We weren’t fucking. Instead, I was fucking myself to the sound of her. How pathetic.
I didn’t let that thought stop me. The closer she got, the faster I moved, slipping a finger inside myself. Her name escaped my lips as I wished it was her finger instead of mine.
“Oh, fuck, yeah… That feels so good,” I whispered, imagining her right here with me.
As if on cue, I heard her voice, shaky and breathless.
“I’m gonna cum.”
Her words pushed me over the edge.
“Yeah, baby, doing so good for me,” I murmured, my voice breaking as the orgasm washed over me. My body buzzed with pleasure I hadn’t felt in so long.
Through the receiver, I heard her staggering breaths as she came down from her high. Reality hit me like a brick.
Grabbing my phone, I hurriedly hung up. I already felt crazy for staying on as long as I did. My eyes grew heavy, and exhaustion consumed me. I fell asleep with one thought in my mind—the girl I let go.
The next morning, I woke to the sound of my phone dinging.
It was her.
R: Why does my phone say we were on a call for 20 minutes?
Fuck.
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terrietont · 8 hours ago
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Yes thank you! As someone who exhibits a lot of these traits with quite a few of these characters, it feels super ableist to me especially because women with different personalities and traits that seem too “weird” often get bullied a lot, especially teenage girls! But you never hear any of this “EvERy PriNcess The SamE” about male characters that are “quirky!” And it infuriates me! Let women be silly for the love of fuck!
Plus if that’s all people see about the characters, they obviously haven’t even paid attention to what said characters are doing! They’re more than just “quirky” many of them are harboring trauma and anxiety and there’s only so many ways one copes with those things. Sometimes it’s being spontaneous, sometimes it’s sleeping a lot. Women are more than their appearance!
I have seen complaints about Moana, in fact recently. People saying she’s “akorable” because she can be silly and she’s also A TEENAGER (at least in movie 1 I haven’t seen the sequel so I can’t judge)
But fucking hell man. People will look at women and judge them immediately.
Just go ahead and tell me you would judge me because I have AuDHD and I often make little jokes and quirky sounds every so often to stim and I’m also clumsy and self conscious. Tell me you would say I’m “doing it for attention” because being myself isn’t normal.
I look up to so many of these characters because I understand so much of their anxieties and trauma and the love of being silly without being judged.
Frozen for example connects with me to this day since my sister and I are so close as friends and I was once the ‘conceal don’t feel’ type and my sister I often say is like Anna. She’s determined, she loves her sister so much, she can be clumsy and silly and also break down from time to time, she has a little bit of a temper but she’s still got so much kindness and respect.
I’m like Elsa in many ways too. I get very bad anxiety, I can be creative when I’ve focused. I prefer being alone a lot of the time but I still want company. I can be silly and joke around and I struggle with crowds and prefer to be in nature.
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again.
Despite these characters being conventionally attractive, it’s the fact that they have a personality that many people wouldn’t find “attractive” because they’re clumsy, highly emotional, silly, can make awkward mistakes and often seem airheaded.
I’m so sick of women only being seen as Boobs and Butts and also “Manic pixie dream girls” just for being “not normal” Why do men get to be silly and goofy? But as soon as a woman/non cis gendered man has a personality and flaws it’s considered “too quirky”? Get fucked!
It’s hurtful to see people pinpoint neurodivergent behavior in women as being “quirky uwu” and not women unmasking and being themselves. Being silly is being real to me!
I don’t care if it’s fictional or not, it’s rooted in reality. The way people react to women being not socially acceptable even in fiction happens in real life and it hurts. I can’t be on good terms with someone who looks at these characters and thinks that they’re just “quirky” and not that maybe a ND person could relate to them because she also happens to have a lot of the same traits and trauma.
LET. WOMEN. BE. SILLY.
Not saying all Disney Princesses should have the same personality, but I can’t help but have an itching feeling that a lot of the pushback against “quirky” and “adorkable” princesses is rooted in at least some form of misogyny. I mean, what? Girls can’t be socially awkward? Is that what you’re saying?
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A Very Merry Christmas from The Eclipse!
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It's that time of the year again! A time of merriment, jolliness and generosity! A time of hot cocoa, candy canes and gingerbread! A time of KINDNESS! It's Christmas!!!!
The staff at The Eclipse is getting everything ready for a big celebration, as you can see! The Christmas cheer is really flowing, though someone should probably go help Luna untangle themself from the Christmas lights... Still, why don't we have a look under the tree and at the gifts... Oh! It looks like one of them has your name on it! I wonder what it is?
Surprise! It's an update on Undertale Cooking With Kindness!
(Hmm, you don't look very surprised, were you shaking the gift box to figure out what was in it?)
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UPDATE
It feels like we've been pretty quiet since the Halloween Update, huh? And that's for a good reason. As many of you may be intimately familiar with, the first chunk of December tends to be a time not of holly jolly cheer, but of hellish torture. Yes, I'm of course talking about
EXAM SEASON!!!
Indeed, many of our team members, myself included, were focusing on exams and schoolwork all of December and much of November, so very little progress has been made. Still, that doesn't mean no progress was made. We've got a lot to how off for you all today, but first, we've got a new team member to introduce you to.
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Welcome our new artist and spriter: LightMoonCream! They drew Sunny in the Christmas illustration! You may be familiar with them from their work on Nighfell, but they've decided to hop on board the wild ride that is bringing The Eclipse to life! In the spirit of Christmas, let's all give them a very merry welcome to the team!
Speaking of very merry welcomes... It appears there's someone else that needs some introducing, I'm sure you've noticed him in the illustration or in the previous post that teased him, but it's finally time to properly introduce you to...
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Courier!
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Courier will be helping out with deliveries in the Eclipse. After all, everyone in the underground deserves a taste of the food at the Eclipse no matter how close or far they may live. Mawzz understood the potential in incorporating a delivery service into the business, so he called up one of his debtors goons employees. Courier will be flying you all across the Underground to help you deliver orders put in by customers.
According to Mawzz, and to his uniform, he used to work for the Underground Postal Service, but was fired for unknown reasons. He doesn’t talk about why that happened, but his firing does create a very shady gap in his resume...
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Courier is a very outwardly serious and brooding monster. He’s here for business, not to make friends. However… he does have quite a few things that break through that cold exterior. He’s a little embarrassed about it, but he just can’t resist the allure of a shiny coin or of some sweet treat. Give him what he wants, and he may just open up a little bit. Just a bit though. The mask of coolness may be a façade, and perhaps not exactly a convincing one, but it’s one he’s committed to, damn it!
I suppose we should take a small aside to introduce deliveries. Staying in one place in the underground is cozy and all, but don't you feel like you're missing out on some fun exploration? Well, in deliveries, you'll leave the Eclipse and head off to familiar areas of the Underground to try and give a loyal customer their food. Sounds simple, right? What could possibly go wrong!
Do keep in mind, though, deliveries aren't planned to be included in the first demo. Still, that doesn't mean we have nothing to show off related to them.
You know what time it is? Get your carolling books out, because it's time for the
MUSIC SECTION
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One of the areas you'll be making an excursion into for deliveries is the quaint and quiet Snowdin Town. The town is even smaller than the one you know in Undertale, so the new remix is even simpler sounding to match. A homely snow-filled paradise where everyone knows each other and is merry... It's quite appropriate, don't you think? It really fits the vibe of the season.
It's cold out there alone... The wind cuts into you and won't let you forget how small you are, won't let you forget the pain of the path you chose for yourself. You had a choice between comfort and the cold, and now your only company is the chill of the flurry.
UPDATED TRACKS!
An updated version of the intro theme courtesy of Venn November (or is December?) It's not an immediately noticeable difference, but once you listen to the old version and the new version back to back, it's clear to see. Close your eyes and imagine the epic intro that could be attached to this song...
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Ok, now open them again, we've got one more updated track to show off:
At last, Customer Approaching is finally out of the draft stage and is complete! I hope you enjoy this theme, cause as you work your daily shifts at The Eclipse, you'll become very familiar with this song. Hey, would you rather listen to this on loop for a couple of minutes or the same Christmas playlist on loop for weeks? You gotta give our real retail workers their flowers!
Ok, that's enough music talk for now, it's time to actually talk about the progress on the game!
GAME PROGRESS
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As I said before, progress was stunted somewhat during the past few months, but that doesn't mean we haven't done anything. In fact... It is with great pride and joy that I announce that the cooking system is almost complete! Yes, the bones of the cooking system have been all mostly put in place and stress-tested. You can almost complete a full day of work at The Eclipse. We've implemented the timer, customer waves, the functional COOK button, and a handful of minigames. We're currently hard at work implementing the final piece of the foundation of our unique gameplay: Recipes and Reputation/Prestige! To talk more in depth about this, please welcome our resident back-end coding and implementation expert: Moist!
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"The primary 'battle' system is underpinned by a custom-built module that tracks Sunny's progress as they prepare a meal for a customer of The Eclipse, keeps a repository of all the recipes sunny is capable of making stored nice and safe their head, and calculates how well they've done afterward. In the final release, You may be able to cook more complex recipes in later days. As it stands, early recipes will be less complex, but the handler seems fairly stable in its current state!"
— moist
There you have it, in the coming weeks we'll finish implementing this final piece, and at that point the cooking system will be complete! From there, it's just a matter of creating the encounters and waves, stress-testing and polishing, and voilá! We'll be able to show off entirely finalized days of cooking, and from there we'll be all set up to start proper work on the demo.
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But what about beyond cooking? What's progress looking like on the overworld, cutscenes and etc.?
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Well, we've got a lot of the maps from the demo, well, not done, but set up for integration as we move our focus into cutscene and scene creation. In fact, ignoring some unfinished cutscenes, the map for the game's intro area is complete! Hopefully with some elbow grease from me and the rest of the team in the coming months, those cutscenes will be completed, and the demo maps we're still missing will be set up.
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In short, while we were slowed down for the past few months, it seems as if these next few months are going to be very productive for us. Everything seems to be coming up Sunny!
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One final thing before we sign off... I'm sure everybody's clamouring for some sort of release date for the demo, but despite all the work we've done, we can't promise an exact date. All we know is that we're hoping to be able to release the first demo in late 2025, but we can't confidently assure you that that will happen. As always, though, if you think you can help that happen, do send me a DM on Discord (shadowofroserade) with an application to join the team.
However, we would still like to announce a planned release date for something else. If all goes according to plan the reveal trailer for Undertale Cooking with Kindness should come out in January*, so stay seated everybody! We've got an appetizer to die for coming up!
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*while that is the current plan, it is quite possible that it will be delayed into February depending on future circumstances.
Until then...
Kind Regards,
The Eclipse.
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lunajay33 · 2 days ago
Text
Wrong Outcome
•🖤🦇🪻•
Summary: You’ve been with Cassian since well forever, being Rhysands sister you met him young and have been inseparable, you find out you’re pregnant but he chooses Nesta, but when you dissapear he realizes he made a mistake
Pairing: Cassian x f!reader
•Masterlist•
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Everything was exactly how I wanted it, my brother was finally home, my two bestfriends, Azriel and Mor, and the man I’ve always loved, he treated me like I was the center of his world but then things changed, Feyre came along and then shortly after her sisters and suddenly Nesta was all Cas cared about
He slowly stopped staying with me at night, started missing out every Saturday dates that we’ve had since well forever, and now I can barely get a word out of him without his attention being completely on her and what’s worse is that she’s so cruel to me
I sighed waking up in my empty bed that use to be warmed by Cassian, I’m wearing an over sized shirt and my hair is raggedy and my face swollen and blotchy from crying, I drag myself to Rhysands office where he’d be early in the mornings
I slumped down in the chair across from him biting nervously on my lip
“Woah sis you’re not looking so good” he said putting his work aside and coming to sit next to me
“Why does he love her so much but not me, did I do something, what does she have that I don’t” I sigh as the tears continue to stream
“Oh my little star it’s not you he’s just a block head, he’ll realize what he’s missing” he said pushing my head back
“But I don’t want him to realize I’m the one after he’s tried out with someone else, he barely even looks at me anymore”
“I wish I could take your pain away”
“Why can’t I have a love like yours and Feyres”
Before he could answer I got up and dragged myself back through the living room on my way to the kitchen seeing Nesta and Cassian sat on the couch a little too close
“Looking a little pudgy lately don’t you think” Nesta laughed and she pointed at my belly, I’ve only recently noticed but I’ve barely eaten enough to gain that much weight, I wrap my arms around my self noticing Azriel come up behind me and lead me to his room
“It’s like living with an evil spirit” he groans as he sets me down on his bed
“Can you take me away, just drop me off at the family cabin or anywhere I just…….i can’t be here anymore Az……please” he nods reassuringly
I pack a bag and load up some food for my time away before he wishes me away
“Are you sure you’ll be okay here?” He asks gently squeezing my arms
“Maybe just check up on me once in a while, just don’t tell the others except Rhys okay”
“Okay”
The days dragged on into weeks into months and quickly I found out in pregnant, it was heart breaking at first realizing the man of my dreams doesn’t even want me anymore let alone a baby, but after some talking with Azriel I realized it was a gift, to be able to have a little bundle of joy and he’d be there for me every step of the way
As I got closer to my due date Azriel convinced me to come home so I wasn’t alone during birth, I hear a knock at the door and it Azriel as I open the door
“Ready to come home Angel?”
“As long as you’re by my side” I smile as I thread my arm through his
We were back in the family home and my heart started picking up
“I’m nervous” I whisper as I turn into Az
“It’ll be okay” we walk into the living room where everyone is and they all turn to us, ending all conversation
“My little star you’re…….youre pregnant?” Rhys asks as he shoots up from his chair and comes over rubbing my belly
I nod knowing how excited he’d be it killed me to keep it a secret from him
Azriel and I sat down at the dining table seeing how everyone had so many questions
“Where have you been?” Mor breaks the silence
“I needed to get away” I glance over at Cassian and Nesta
“Is it Azriels?” Cassian asks worry written all over his face, sometimes I wish it was Azriel with how well he treats me
“No” I say squeezing his hand under the table
“Then who’s?” Elain speaks up
“It doesn’t matter anymore”
The room fell silent
“It’s mine isn’t it” Cassian sighed looking like a lost puppy
I silently nodded looking down at my lap, I hear the chair screech back heavy footsteps walking my way before I’m pulled up and being dragged away
“What are you doing you can’t just ignore me when Nesta comes along and think you can just push me around now” I groan as I push him away when we get far enough away from the living room
“Listen please, I’m sorry I didn’t treat you right, it’s just I felt something when I was with her but then I realized it was only because that reserved part of her reminded me of you when Rhys first introduced us, and that I’ve been ignore you and then you were gone and I felt it in my chest…..you’re my mate” his words took my breath away
“Really? You’re not lying to me”
“Of course not, I love you and I made a mistake please give me another chance” he was practically begging now
“Okay but….youre going to have to make it up to me, I’m talking about a lot of sweets”
“Anything I’ll always do anything for you”
It’s been a month since I came back and a few days after I gave birth to the cutest little girl she had purple eyes and dark brown hair with tiny wings and Cassian has been doing alot of reperations and got quite a talking from Azriel and Rhys but I’m just glad things are back to how I always imagined
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Text
Surgery
In which the Drifter requests medical assistance from Eris Morn.
Now with art from @h3xxthev3xx !!!
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Link to Ao3 if you prefer to read it there
ACCESS: RESTRICTED DECRYPTION KEY: 7CP9SXMO2G$IKO-006 REP#: 062-DERELICT-AUDIO AGENT(S): AUN-326 SUBJ: RECENT VIP#1316 and ERI-223 INTERACTIONS - MULTIPLE RECORDINGS
RECORDING 77455.8 [BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
“Hey, Moondust!”
“What is it, Rat?”
“Serious question for you. I’ve been thinkin’-”
“A challenge for you, I’m sure.”
“Aww… you ruined it.”
“Ruined what?”
“Can’t tell you now. Maybe later.”
“Clearly it wasn’t that important.”
“Oh it was, but it can wait.”
“Speak plainly. What do you want?”
“Nope. Not telling you now. The moment is gone.”
[END TRANSCRIPT]
...
RECORDING 77456.4 [BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
“Hey, Three-Eyes.”
“I am returning your call. Your message said it was important.”
“Yeah, so, um… you do dissections, right? Cutting stuff up, like, medically? For science?”
“Generally, yes.”
“So you’d be good at using tweezers to pull bits of shrapnel out from being embedded in human flesh, right?”
“What have you done?”
“I was working on a grenade idea, more of a mine, really, and it worked! It worked real well, actually. I’m proud of it. Misjudged the range a bit, though. Made myself into a bit of a pincushion. Was wondering if you’d be willing to help me out.”
“You have a ghost. Use it.”
“Nope. Not gonna happen. But, if you’re busy, that’s fine. I’ll deal.”
“I… do you even have antiseptic there? Bandages?”
“Yeah, a bright light and tweezers too, just need you to be the hands.”
“I am on my way.”
[END TRANSCRIPT]
...
RECORDING 77456.5 [BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
“Ow.”
Plink.
“Do you prefer I stop?”
“Nope I prefer you keep going.”
“Then stop squirming.”
“It hurts.”
“You have punctured over one third of your body with foreign objects. Of course it hurts.”
“Ow.”
Plink.
“Upon cursory examination, that appears to be a shell casing.”
“Yeah I threw some in there. Ow.”
Plink.
“And this one… a finishing nail? From carpentry?”
“Yeah, tossed that in there too, whatever I had lying around, really. Ow.”
“A metal screw. Not pointed. For fastening metal, most likely, but rather small. From electronics, perhaps?”
Plink.
“Probably. I wasn’t paying much attention when I stuffed the thing. Oh dammit.”
“This one is curved and deeply embedded. I am trying to be gentle but if I do not pull it out, it is just going to work its way in deeper. It looks like broken glass.”
“Yeah I put some of that in there too. Ah shit. Fuck!”
“I have extracted it.”
Plink.
“That was probably the worst one. Just a few more and this leg will be done. Do you need a break?”
“Nope. Let’s get it over with.”
“I would let you squeeze my hand through the pain, but I need both of mine to remove what you’ve done to yourself.”
“Yeah, I know, thought’s real sweet though. Sweeter than you normally are. You must feel sorry for me. Ugh.”
Plink.
“Have you decided whether or not you will ask me what you were going to ask me before?”
“Nope. Now is definitely not the time. Ow.”
Plink.
“I am curious as to what has you so reserved. You are not normally bashful.”
“Ow.”
Plink.
“I don’t… I don’t even know what that means. But that hurts.”
“I spoke too soon. This one is another that is much deeper than expected. You are bleeding quite a bit. I recommend we stop.”
“Is that the last one?”
“In this leg, yes. I have not yet examined the rest of you.”
“Get it outta me.”
“Can I convince you to reconsider your ghost?”
“No. You take it out or I will.”
“The cleanest way to remove this will be to cut it out of you.”
“Then do that.”
“Why are you so stubborn about this?”
“Because I am.”
“Will you at least get your ghost to give you something for the pain? I am hurting you considerably.”
“No.”
“What about alcohol?”
“I have plenty of that, yeah.”
“Where is it?”
“Second door on the left, back cupboard up high has the strong stuff.”
“Do you have a preference?”
“Whiskey.”
“In a glass?”
“Nah. This ain’t a glass kinda situation.”
“I will return.”
[END TRANSCRIPT]
...
RECORDING 77456.6 [BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
“I told you I didn’t need a glass, Moondust.”
“This is for me, when I’m done. The rest of the bottle is yours.”
“I mean, the whole thing is mine, but fine, Doctor Three-Eyes, you can take your cut.”
“I shall, and the alcohol too. Now drink some of that while I clean up the rest of you and prepare the incision site.”
“You say such sexy things when you’re working. What? What’s that look for?”
“You are not normally this careless. What actually happened?”
“I am not in the habit of lying to you, Moondust. In fact, I don’t even know if I can. You see through everything. I do not think I have ever successfully convinced you something was true when it was not.”
“You are not in the habit of lying to anyone. You simply do not state the full truth, constantly deflect conversations, and allow people to believe whatever they want to be true without ever correcting them. It is what makes your methods of deception so effective.”
“You… you really do know me, Moondust. Ain’t no one ever been able to get in my head like you. Ow!”
“Drink more. You are still too sensitive for me to proceed.”
“Get me drunk, in a compromising position, and then stick things into me. I see how it is.”
“Keep insinuating that I’d behave in such a manner as to take advantage of you and you will be left to extract this distorted… spring? on your own.”
“I’m sorry. That was actually out of line. I trust you more than anyone. You know that. I was trying to make a joke and worded that way wrong. Didn't come out as flirty as it did in my head.”
“You are in considerable pain. “
“Don't forget the blood loss.”
“Drink more alcohol you… clumsy fool.”
“That has to be one of the gentlest insults you’ve ever thrown at me. You are being nice to me. What I was trying to say before was more that you are at this point literally trying to get me drunk. I might say anything.”
“Any confessions of undying love will not be held against you when you are sober.”
“Well there goes that plan out the window. How am I supposed to tell you of my undying love so you won't believe me when I'm drunk and I can deny it later if you don't feel the same way so it isn't awkward?”
“I have faith in your ability to be forthright and lewd without chemical assistance. And you have yet to show any reservations about being awkward in my presence so I doubt that is an issue. Also, drink.”
“Yes ma'am. Oh shit that stings.”
“Disinfectant usually does.”
“So let's say, hypothetically, I was truly madly deeply hopelessly in love with you, what would be the best way to go about getting you to love me back? Hypothetically.”
“Let me see the bottle. Not enough. Drink. Hypothetically, your premise is flawed, rendering the logic of the entire question unanswerable.”
“Come again?”
“There is an inherent assumption in what you have asked, hypothetically, which would itself be, again hypothetically, incorrect.”
“And what's that?”
“The assumption that I do not care for you already.”
“Wait what?”
“More. Drink.”
“Did you just say what I think you just said?”
“I said nothing. We were speaking hypothetically.”
“Ah, because I could have sworn you said you love me. Totally am starting to feel a buzz though so that may have been wishful thinking on my part.”
“Clearly someone who shows up in the middle of the night to remove foreign objects from your flesh because you are too stubborn to get help from your ghost does not have any affection for you in the slightest. You obviously imagined that. Do you have scissors?”
“Yeah, why?”
“I'm cutting off your pants.”
“Now I know I'm dreaming.”
“Hmmm…”
[END TRANSCRIPT]
...
RECORDING 77456.8 [BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
“Are you ready?”
“Ready as I'll ever be to have a beautiful woman scar me for life.”
“You have more than one life. This is a non-issue.”
“Point.”
“I am beginning now.”
“Fuck.”
“Pausing for a moment here. I've got the object. I have a mostly clear path to pull it free.”
“Ok.”
“I'm going to have to wiggle it. This will be painful.”
“Eris Morn, mistress of pain, I submit to your will. Hurt me you beautiful three eyed witch.”
“Is it the alcohol or the pain that's making you so eloquent?”
“Probably both, plus that undying love.”
“Hold on to something that is not me. Three… two… one...”
[INTERMITTENT SCREAMING 43 SECONDS]
“Did you just freeze my ass with stasis?”
“To stop the bleeding, yes. You have needle and thread?”
“Yeah desk over there, bottom drawer.”
“And I'll find a pot within which to boil water within your kitchen area?”
“Yeah.”
“A clean pot?”
“I ain’t the one that leaves a burned wok lying around unusable for a month. I use my pots. They’re all clean. Trust.”
“Be still until I return.”
“You’ve got me frozen to the table. I couldn't move if I wanted to.”
“You're a resourceful creature. I'm sure you'd find a way if you wished to be free, but please don't.”
“I'm staying put. You say stay, I stay.”
[END TRANSCRIPT]
...
RECORDING 77456.8 [BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]
“You keep doin sweet gentle stuff like brushing your chin against the top of my head like that I’m gonna start thinking you like me or something.”
“It is difficult to express reassurance to you any other way when my hands are coated in your blood.”
“If I’m good will you nuzzle my head again? Or is it if I wiggle? What gets me more head nuzzles, Moondust?”
“Be still, Rat. You are messing up my stitches.”
“Anyone ever tell you that you’re weirdly good at sewing human flesh?”
“No, but I accept the compliment.”
“It barely even hurts where you’re sewing. You really are good.”
“Thank the alcohol.”
“I’m thanking you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“You know, there ain’t no one else I trust like this.”
“I know. It is an honour to have your trust. One I do not take lightly. I know how rarely it is given.”
“If by rarely, you mean pretty much not at all, yeah.”
“Are you going to tell me what you were going to ask me?”
“Now’s really not the time.”
“I think we have cleansed the last of your blood off of most surfaces and ourselves.”
“You patched me up real good. You make a fine surgeon.”
“Usually my subjects are not still alive.”
“You gonna stay and finish that drink?”
“I had forgotten. Yes. I shall. But first would you like help to your bed?”
“You and me in my bed? I like this.”
“Avoid putting weight on that side. You can, and will, rip the stitches if you exert it too much before you’ve healed.”
“I like this side of you, all sweet and nurturing. If I’d known you’d be this nice to me I’d… nah that was stupid and I won’t be doing that again.”
“Thank you.“
“Still proud of how well it exploded though. Gonna give some of them to Devrim to put around the farm. Should very effectively shred anything that comes to mess with the civilians. I really didn’t think I was in range. You know how careful I am.”
“I know. Sit. I will return.”
“You gonna come back and cuddle me? I’d like that.”
“No, but if you wish, I will sit with you while I finish my drink.”
“I’ll take what I can get.”
"I'd expect nothing less"
[SILENCE 8.25 MINUTES]
“Woman of my dreams, bringing me the bottle after putting me to bed. You really are the best, Three-Eyes.”
“Sit up.”
“Ok. Oh hello. You let me lie in your lap like this, you must feel sorry for me.”
“No. There is nowhere else to sit.”
“I disagree, this is half-way to cuddling right here. You like me. Ain’t no one sit like this with someone they don’t like.”
“I sewed your skin. That’s considerably more testament to me liking you than this, and this is at least comfortable for both of us.”
“It’s real nice. ‘Specially when you touch my face like that.”
“Hmmm…”
“I propose a toast.”
“To?”
“Why, to the most excruciating and intimate experience you and I have shared to date. The night Eris Morn sewed up the Drifter after he blew himself up.”
Clink.
“Hmmm…”
“You like it?”
“It tastes like… wood and paint thinner.”
“That’s just the first few sips. Flavour changes as you go.”
“Hmmm…”
“You should visit my bed more often, Moondust, it’s nice.”
“If you wish I will return tomorrow and change the bandages to make sure you aren’t getting infected.”
“I’d like that. You know… you could… stay.”
“And sleep with you in your bed?”
“Yeah. Don’t tell me that doesn’t sound real nice to you too. Not when you’re running your fingertips through my hair like that, like you’re already considering it.”
“Perhaps now is the time to ask me what you were going to ask me?”
“You sure those eyes don’t give you mind reading powers?”
“One does not need to read your mind, when they can read your body language, and between the lines of what comes out of your lips. You have not been discrete.”
“No, I have not. But, if you already know what I was going to ask you, what’s your answer then?”
[SILENCE 3.75 MINUTES]
“That… is worth getting blowed up for.”
“Please do not. Multiple lacerations and shrapnel from improvised explosive devices are not a prerequisite for my affection.”
“Can you let me know what the pre-”
“The pre-”
“The p-”
“You know, Moondust, it’s been a very long time, literally longer than I can remember, since someone was able to make my head spin with just a few kisses.”
“That is more likely being caused by a combination of shock, blood loss and alcohol.”
“Nah. Had all three lots of times. This is all you.”
“You’re trembling.”
“Yeah, it happens.”
“Let me get you under the blankets.”
“I ain’t cold. It’s just you feel so good. You feel so fucking good. Wait, where you going?”
“To take off my boots. Move over and get under the covers so that I may join you.”
“Oh hell yeah, you’re just making all my dreams come true right now.”
“Be careful of your stitches or you’ll bleed all over both of us and your bed.”
“Worth it.”
“Behave yourself or I will leave.”
“Yes ma’am. Ah shit, Eris, I can’t handle how soft and warm you are when I’m this drunk. I’m gonna cry.”
“You are inebriated and injured and I am choosing to stay. Alcohol induced emotional outbursts are to be expected and are a reflection of your trust, which is precious to me. I consider it an honour to hold you as you cry.”
[END TRANSCRIPT]
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vintage-love-nasha · 2 days ago
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To be honest, I know things get worse.
I went for Umrah and really prayed for things in my life to improve . But you know how sometimes you feel so helpless that you want to give up on everything in life? That’s me right now.
I feel very helpless . I’ve lost control of my life . I tried my best to make things work. Tried my best to get a stable and good job , tried my best to not be in my own cave and go out and socialise.
But I have failed. In the last 10 years , I have done everything by myself . I’ve found my own way out in life with zero help, although im proud sometimes I feel if I had some sort of backing or incredible support my luck would’ve improved .
Such as friends who would refer me to better jobs or ways to invest for a better future . A partner who would guide me how to love and let go of my anger . At one point in my life , every time I felt sad I had an incredible friend who would go and have pastamania with me, which is my comfort food . Just one call away and we would have sausage pasta (spicy) with coke and waffle fries. Now she’s married just like everyone else .
Sometimes I can’t get over the feeling of my own حسرت— why is it that all the girls always get good partners . All my friends got good partners , no one ever thought about me , no one ever approached me for marriage. Even if they did, there was always another girl who was better than me and beat me to it. Always. It’s like as if all the time and energy I invested in a man, all the love I had for him was worthless, it is like as if I am invisible and don’t even matter . But the other girl always wins in life . She gets the life I always desired meanwhile I have to pick up all of my scattered love, reshuffle and think— where do I put it? I have nowhere to put it! Why must things get destroyed for me? Why must I be the one suffering ? I am not even a chaalak person, I am homely . I like to do ghardaari but I am never the chosen one . I am also loyal but never chosen.
Now, I just have pastamania alone because I lost my friends , I have no one to eat with , no one to chill with: I spend so much time with my cat and watching Pakistani dramas . I listen to coke studio and Atif Aslam. I love Honey Singh.
It’s so difficult to explain to someone who sees you as a stranger and hater that I have been holding my own fort for the longest time . That even if I get angry please understand it is due to incredible stress. If you think you can’t handle and I deserve to be blocked or never spoken to , go ahead maybe that’s all im worth .
I’ve always asked for strength to keep going but I find myself running out of strength .
Support builds character , growth and good mindset . It has been very difficult to be alone in my 20s. My sisters got married , and after my second sister got married , I felt so alone at home . Now I am exactly 30, it’s overwhelming to grow old .
I’m lucky to have my parents , but caring for them and worrying about their health every single day eats into my strength.
Whose shoulder do I cry on? I hate crying in front of my parents because I need to be their strength .
I don’t know what to do. I have tried everything’. Everything that I possibly could in my hands .
I wish that someone would just sit with me and say to me “I genuinely care about you. And your well being”.
I wish I wasn’t suffering . My brain is going to explode with all the sadness.
X
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Bird (Andrea Arnold, 2024)
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kinardsevan · 3 days ago
Text
the in-between
still working on this but this came to me literally as I was waking up from a nap earlier (we won't discuss the fact that it was 8PM when I fell asleep and almost midnight when I woke up).
anyhoo.... enjoy what I have done so far!
-
Things were good. 
He wouldn’t actually label them as great. They hadn’t been great since…well. But they were good. Maddie coming home safe was good. The friendship quasi-relationship he seemed to be building with Josh was good. The conversation was good, the dates were good; fuck, even the sex was good. 
But. 
“He-hey, look who it is,” Chimney says in a sing-songy tone as he strides past Buck on the main floor of the firehouse. Buck looks up after him from where he’s wiping down the chrome of the ladder truck and smiles, spotting his sister. Just behind her a few paces is Josh, and he smiles. That’s nice. That’s….good. 
He tosses the cloth on his shoulder and crosses the space with Chimney, a few steps behind him, hugs Maddie once she’s separated from her husband and then follows it with a hug for Josh. It’s…good. 
“How was your first shift back,” he asks, looking back at his sister. 
“Good,” she says with a nod, making the word sound the way it actually should, instead of how it keeps coming out of Buck’s mouth lately. “Taking it slow, easing back into it, but it’s good.” 
“Good,” he says back to her. She quirks an eyebrow at him and he forces a smile. He doesn’t have it in him to have a full-fledged discussion with her right now about the implications of how he keeps saying that word, using it to describe things. He glances over at Josh and smiles at him again. The other man offers him a coffee he’s holding and Buck takes it gratefully. 
“You guys been busy?” Josh asks. 
Buck and Chimney share a glance, and he shrugs. 
“It’s been decent. Only a few calls overnight. Nothing too insane yet, but who knows.” 
“Watch your mouth, Buckley,” Chimney states, glancing down at his watch. “We’ve got two hours left on this shift and I have breakfast plans already.”
“That’s why we came,” Maddie interjects cheerfully. She glances back and forth between Chimney and Buck, eyeing her brother for just a second longer, curious at him, before looking back at her husband. “Wanted to know if you wanted to double.” 
“That should be fine,” Chimney answers cheerfully as Buck sips from his coffee. They all glance at him, waiting for a response, and he raises his eyebrows, sputtering a bit on the coffee in his mouth. 
“Y-yeah,” he stammers, trying to reflect the same joyful tone as the rest of them. “That should-..” 
The klaxons choose that moment to start going off, the automated call coming over the PA system, and they all glance up.
“Station 118 and 122 fire and rescue. Helicopter crash. Station 118 and 122 fire and rescue. Helicopter crash.” 
Buck and Chimney’s gaze locks, and the blood flushes from his face, coffee hitting the floor as his feet move beneath him. He’s around the truck and halfway to his turnouts when hands are on his chest, stopping him from moving any further. 
“Buck-..” 
“Bobby, let me go,” he rasps, trying to push past the man to get to his gear. 
“You need to-..” 
“I need to get my gear,” he argues, cutting Bobby off. “Let me go-..” 
“You can’t be on this one,” Bobby tells him. He looks past him toward where Maddie and Josh have moved but are still near the open bay doors. “You have family here.” 
It takes everything in him to swallow down the I have family out there that he wants to scream at Bobby. To not yell at every damn person in the room that they should be moving faster, that they don’t know what they’re walking into, that Tommy needs him, that-
“I’m not sitting out on this,” he growls, unable to stop the angry tears that flood his vision. They’re not helping his case at all, but he’ll be damned if he’s left behind to not know what’s happening out there, and they’re wasting time. “So fucking let me get ready or I’ll drive myself.” 
Bobby seems to measure him briefly, questioning the right move, but after a second, he releases Buck and in under a minute, he’s donned his turnouts and made it back to the truck, nevermind the fact that blood hasn’t returned to his face or the fact that his hands are shaking as he pulls his seatbelt on inside of the truck.
Eddie reaches across the space between their seats and pushes Buck’s headset down over his head, holding it in place briefly to try and ground him as they lock eyes. He watches him for a moment until Buck nods at him. Eddie nods back at him and lets go of the headset, squeezing his still-shaking hands briefly. No one else says anything.
Still, just inside the fire station, Josh looks over at Maddie. 
“So, I think that just ended,” he quips.
Maddie frowns at him. “My brother is a dick.” 
Josh snorts. “I mean yeah, but also, I wasn’t under some false pretense about all of this.” He pauses for a moment and eyes her, narrowing his gaze. “You guys all get that he’s in love with him, right?” 
Maddie sighs softly with a shake of her head. “Yeah. But I thought after the breakup, with time and someone new…” 
Josh snorts again at her. 
“What,” she asks him. 
Josh just shakes his head, smirking at her. “Your brother’s not getting over that one. Ball of flame or blaze of glory, that relationship’s only going out in one way. You’re stuck with Tommy for the long haul.” 
. . .
The ride takes too long and his hands never really stop shaking. By the time they make it to the scene, the 122 is already there, Deluca already checked in as IC. Bobby joins the other man, figuring out where to take point, while Eddie helps Barton and Rodgers work apart pieces of the helicopter. Buck is itching to get there, find out how bad it is, but Bobby won’t let him leave his side. 
“You brought Buckley to the scene,” Deluca comments derisively. 
“Shut it, Deluca,” Bobby cuts him off. “You’re no better for leading this call right now. Kinard-..” 
“Is family,” he states back. “And there’s not going to be a better team for this.” 
“So then let me fucking do my job,” Buck interjects. Both men look over at him with lingering glares. 
“Not a fucking chance,” Deluca tells him as Bobby shakes his head. “Your head isn’t in this, and your heart would cause more harm than good right now.” 
Buck grumbles at him, but he remains at Bobby’s side. 
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theemporium · 2 days ago
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Maybe John and Candy for 'tis the season to be jolly! with drinking hot chocolate? 🫶🏻
thank you for requesting!🫶🏽
series masterlist
.
“Psst.”
Silence.
“Johnny.” 
Silence.
“Baby.” 
Silence.
“Oh, my sweet darling—”
“Will you please just go to sleep?” John groaned, his words muffled due to the fact his face was currently squished against his pillow—where he was fast asleep until a few moments ago, when you started poking and prodding his side until you got a response.
“No,” you muttered, continuing to poke his side until he finally turned onto his back so he could look up at you from where you were sitting on the bed. 
“Candy, baby,” John groaned, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes before resting them on his stomach, staring at you with an exasperated expression. “It’s two in the morning. You should be sleeping. I should be sleeping.”
“I’m craving hot chocolate,” you said with a sheepish expression, smiling as innocently as you can. 
“At two in the morning?” 
“Yes.” 
“I don’t even know why I bothered to ask,” John muttered, letting out a small groan as he sat up on the bed. “Please do not tell me this is one of your things where you want to drive out two hours to some special cafe—”
“Of course not,” you scoffed before grinning. “I didn’t want to go down to the kitchen alone.” 
John sighed, closing his eyes and taking a few moments before he spoke. “You test my patience every day.”
“But you love me,” you replied.
“I do,” John sighed, but there was a small smile tugging on his lips as he opened his eyes to look at you. “I love you a lot, which is why I am making you make me a cup too.”
“Obviously, baby,” you beamed, leaning in to press a smacking kiss to his cheek. “You get other treats too.”
“I can’t believe I am letting myself be seduced for hot chocolate,” John muttered to himself as he slid out of bed, his arm already winding around you and tugging you close before you could complain how cold it was. 
“I have seduced you for less,” you retorted.
“Also very true. You’re very good at seducing me.”
.
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anonyme-glace · 10 hours ago
Text
Christmas Gift
Spending Christmas break with my dad, which I’ve done tonnés of times before.
Except ever since I’ve gotten older, I can understand more and more why my friends call him a DILF. He’s built, trades man, thick legs and strong body, tall and, I can’t believe I notice this, hung.
Three weeks ago I was with him for the weekend and got to his house earlier than normal, he was showering. I couldn’t help myself, I peeked in, curiosity driving me, and maybe a bit of lust. Foggy shower door, his groans, and his hand down low. I knew what he was doing. I felt my stomach flutter.
His groans were so loud; his deep voice ringing out in the shower, talking to himself.
Fuck that feels so good baby….
Oh my god.
Keep going….
Oh my god he’s dirty talking.
You’re making daddy feel so good…
Oh my god.
…Carly.
Holy shit. What.
Hey Carly, sweetie, how’s it going?
I snap my head towards him, coming out of the memory.
It’s going good, dad, thanks for asking. I’m super excited to exchange gifts later, I’ve got the perfect thing for you.
Aw sweetie you didn’t have to get me anything.
I felt his eyes on me.
You’re gift enough.
I know Daddy.
I’ve been planning this for weeks. Now that I know he feels the same way about me. I’m gonna be the best little girl for him. I went out lingerie shopping with the girls a few weeks ago, they think I’m trying to impress Jack from fifth period. What the fuck am I doing.
Standing in my doorway, red lace plunge bra, matching panties, handcuffs in hand. He’s sitting on the couch, watching some stupid movie. I call out.
Turn that off, I’m coming out with my gift, close your eyes.
They’re closed sweetie.
I walk out, keeping my steps light, shivering with excitement. I stop in front of him.
Hands out daddy.
He laughs, a husky, sharp, inhale. Okay.
Quickly I place the cuffs on him. His eyes shoot open and I step back. He’s speechless, eyes trialing up and down my body, and I see his pants get a little tighter.
Do you like your gift daddy?
Fuck baby what are you doing? He breathes out and moves to get up. I push him back down and straddle him.
Mhm I heard you in the shower, daddy, you want me.
I don’t know what you heard sweetie, this is wrong, and illegal, and you need to get off of me. I trail my hands down his chest. You need to get off me, honey, you can’t be doing this. I’m your dad.
Daddy I can feel you. I lean into him and whisper, against my cunnie. Let me take care of you, this is your gift.
Not that he put much fight up in the first place, but his resolve loosens, and he leans back. I slide off his lap, knees hitting the floor.
I rub my hands all over him, my face rubbing his crotch. You gonna let me have it daddy? Yes baby, take daddy’s cock out. I reach for his pants but change paths and quickly unlock his hands from the cuffs before resuming.
Fuck daddy, it’s so big. I take it in my hands and begin to lick up and down, taking his balls in my mouth, and using my thumb to play with the tip. Yes baby just like that. Why don’t you take it in your mouth? I suck on the throbbing head, maintaining eye contact with him. I go deep as I can, choking myself on him, until he grabs my hair and takes control.
I can’t believe I raised such a slut. Where did you learn this slut?
I’m so sorry daddy, I’ve been with other boys.
Oh wow, you’re such a whore, you couldn’t even save yourself for me. Well I’ll just have to fill you up until you forget them, won’t I?
Yes please daddy, please give me your cock, I need it.
Good begging, come lay down and spread yourself for me. I do as he says, taking off my panties, laying back, and spreading my legs open for him. He slaps his heavy cock against my cunt before laying it on my stomach.
Look how deep I’m gonna go. Just about hits your belly button baby. I gasp and look down, just as he lines himself up with my pussy.
You’re gonna take it so well baby, all of it, all for me, forever and ever.
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9ofspades · 4 hours ago
Note
Why are your experiences so relatable 😆
I tried making a spreadsheet to show how little of my purchases I was actually doing anything with, to shame myself into not buying anything until after I’d maybe actually read or played some more of the products, but the result was that I had fun messing around with spreadsheets and got very invested in reading ebooks and playing games to make numbers go up while also buying them at a much faster rate than I could actually get around to them. I don’t know if you would have this struggle or not.
I did try implementing a thing where I didn’t buy physical books until I got rid of ones I owned, because my space is a crisis of overflowing piles everywhere, but it turns out I am bad at holding myself to that when there are really good sales. Ebooks are a lesser evil but then I don’t read them because I still have such a backlog at the library (though I have a system in place for getting through those and then FINALLY tackling all the ones I own). I’m curbing the addiction slightly by using my libraries a bunch, but the result of that is I can’t finish books before they’re due and then I get salty about that. I tried allocating a specific budget for Humble Bundles but that didn’t work because any month there were a dozen good ones I couldn’t just *not* buy them, y’know? I might try a new system this year, though, where I let myself get a maximum of [number] bundles per month, so that any time I see one I sort of want I have to decide if it’s *really* worth using up one of my slots on it. They need to not roll over, though, and I need to come up with a sufficiently good reward for any slots I have left over at the end of each month, but that feels like it could help.
I very much did have a system starting in 2017 where I was only allowed to make one purchase per day, but that rolled over so I could save up for a spree. Restaurants and groceries counted, as did receiving packages or getting free stuff from the career fair. However receiving and opening gifts from other people did not. But buying gifts for other people did. So I had to be responsible and not buy things for myself in December cuz I needed the purchase slots to buy things for others. Opening a package counted as an additional purchase so ordering something online was 3 purchases. This was good except for the last couple of years, boring things like fines and healthcare and gas and car maintenance did not count, leaving me with a ton of extra purchase slots. BUT there’s no expiration date so I don’t feel any pressure to use them all up, so that’s also good!
I vote only buying the gift card counts as buying something.
the problem is that my goal isn't just to spend less money, or be more mindful of the money i'm spending, it's to Buy Less. like... my constant FOMO-fueled impulse-buying of $2 ebooks and $10 video game bundles is part of the problem. so buying a $25 gift card and buying my $2 ebooks with that feels like it goes against the spirit of what i'm trying to do. i have thousands of books i haven't read, and hundreds of games i haven't played, and maybe i should learn not to buy things unless i'm willing to pay full price.
... but also i've already decided that gift cards other people give me or that i earn through bing rewards etc. don't count so maybe in a few months i'll give up and decide i can buy a gift card and that buying a lot of cheap ebooks isn't the end of the world.
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ak319 · 1 day ago
Text
Dark A.M x fem!reader
-- ★ The Word of Claim ┃ ─𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐─
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Warnings/MDNI: none. ?angst? And no, not for the reader, it's reverse angst ig. (-O-) ✰ 6.1K
★ Prev I concept m.list
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"Look," you began, your tone a mix of hesitance and bashfulness, "please don’t make fun of me for what I’m about to tell you, because honestly? I’m not exactly ecstatic about it myself. But, like I once told you… parents can be parent-y about certain things, and it’s just so ugh! Anyway," you continued, forcing a strained chuckle, "it’s supposed to be good news, so I guess I should share it with some excitement, right?" You laughed lightly and slid a card across the table toward him, you avoided his gaze.
"I wanted to invite you. So here it is. I’d love for you to come, not just as a friend, but as a brother-"
"Shut it."
The sharp command sliced through the air like a blade, and you froze mid-sentence, your hand still lingering near the card. His tone wasn’t loud, but the weight of it struck deep, making your stomach twist.
You flinched, your brow furrowing as you recoiled slightly, staring at him with a mix of confusion and irritation. "Excuse me?" His gaze locked onto yours, intense and unreadable.
"I am not your brother, or whatever you or your family thinks," Arthur said, his voice low but firm, the words cutting like a cold wind.
You scoffed, a mix of hurt and disbelief clouding your expression. This wasn’t like him, the same Arthur who never so much as frowned in your direction now had a sharp edge in his tone.
"What are you talking about?" you asked, your voice unsteady but defensive, already dreading where this conversation was heading.
His gaze was unrelenting, the weight of his words pressing against you. "I believe you know exactly what I’m talking about," he said, softer now, though the intensity remained. "I just… how can you be so blind?"
Your jaw tightened, the bitterness creeping in as your fingers curled against the table. His earlier words still lingered, a bruise on your pride that hadn’t faded.
"Blind to what, exactly?" you snapped.
Arthur let out a breath, his frustration palpable as his shoulders sagged slightly. "I… like you," he admitted, his voice quieter now, though no less raw. "I really do-"
"Wow." You leaned back, crossing your arms, your eyes narrowing. "There we go. So this is the reason?"
He stared at you, his face unmoving, but his eyes betrayed him, there was a glimmer of vulnerability in them, a crack in the tough façade he usually wore. "Yeah," he said simply, meeting your gaze head-on. "This is the reason."
You exhaled sharply, staring at Arthur like he’d just sprouted a second head. "Are you serious right now?" you asked, your voice trembling, not with fear, but with disbelief.
Arthur’s jaw tensed, but he didn’t back down. "I’ve never been more serious," he said.
Your fingers brushed your chin as you leaned back, then your lips, as if you were weighing his words against the brutal truth you knew. When you finally spoke, your voice was cold, detached, calculated.
“Arthur… we could never have been a match. Not then, not now.”
The words landed like a slap, deliberate and cutting as if you’d carefully chosen them to remind him of the impossibility of what he was asking. To him, it must have sounded like you were discussing a business arrangement as if he were just another broker. Or worse... just another one of those pitiful proposals you brushed aside for your own amusement.
His face faltered, but he tried to hold steady. "Why not? Is it because of who I am? Because I’m not some... polished gentleman from your world?"
"Yes! It’s exactly because of that," you snapped, your emotions flaring. "Arthur, no matter how kind you, or the gang, were to me back then, or now, you’re still outlaws. You can’t change that. You can’t erase what you’ve done."
Arthur’s eyes darkened, his hands curling into fists on the table. "That’s not fair," he said, his voice rising slightly. "You didn’t care about that when we helped you find your way home. When we made sure you were safe. But now....now it’s convenient for you to judge me?"
"I’m not judging you, Arthur," you shot back but quickly composed yourself so as not to draw any unwanted attention. You just hoped your chaperone wouldn't come over and hear all this. "I’m just being realistic...stating facts here. You might have been my protector when I was lost, but that doesn’t mean you could be my...my partner. You live in a world I can’t belong to. Yeah... Arthur, that is the truth. Like wow-- unbelievable because you think this, us, was ever a possibility."
His face hardened, but his eyes remained glued to you, searching for something, anything, in your expression. "Why wasn’t it? We’ve known each other! You laughed with me, wrote to me, and shared everything with me. Don’t tell me that meant nothing..."
"That’s not fair," you said, your voice trembling. "It meant something, of course it did! You are my friend and I treated you like one! The reason I came here today is to invite you to such a significant event in my life. You and the others saved me when I was a child. You were kind, yes, and maybe even noble in your own way. But don’t you see? That’s all it ever could have been. And for God's sake, I was only 10 then."
"Right...because I’m an outlaw," he replied bitterly which added in your vexation.
"Because no matter what you say you can't deny the things you have done, no matter how much you’ve tried to change… you’re still an outlaw, Arthur! And what I did was only look past all of that, ignore all of that, and treat you like a normal person. And I’m someone who lives by rules, by expectations. My family, my life, they’re worlds apart from yours. I handle business, attend formal gatherings, and move in circles that your gang probably plans to rob on one of their 'mighty fine days.' Do you see what I mean?"
"That’s what you care about? What people think? What your family thinks?"
"Don’t twist this! It’s not about them, it’s about us! We would’ve never worked. I’ve never seen you that way, Arthur, and I’m sorry if you thought otherwise, but this was never going to happen. Not in a million years. I told you before that we had to leave our old house because of the gossip. People whispered about me being kidnapped, about… other horrible, disgusting things. About me, a literal child! Rumors tied to you, the outlaws. It was a nightmare for me, and for my family. Do you think I could ever willingly go through that again?"
His voice cracked as he spoke. "I know but-- you couldn’t have told me that sooner? Before....before I let myself hope? Before I thought m-aybe you--- you come to meet me now, so I thought-"
"Because I didn’t know!" you cut him off, wiping away some wayward tears. "I didn’t know you felt this way! I thought that what we had was a good friendship. Look I don't want to hurt you, but this-you being angry with me...it isn’t fair. I didn’t ask for this, Arthur. And as for meeting you and all, well I didn't want to tell you this way but...my family doesn't approve of me doing this, they don't know. Especially now, when I am about to marry, I think, well after you have said all this too, that it's better to not meet. I just wanted to end it on a good note."
“You were the first... who made me feel something, y’know? Damn right, you did....” He paused, a bitter chuckle escaping him as he ran a hand through his hair. “And then... you got lost again. For years. But you were always there, somewhere, in the back of my mind. Like some kind of shadow, I couldn't shake it. I don't know if it was curiosity, or..."
He trailed off, the words hanging in the air, and then his tone shifted, turning almost uncertain, like a question to himself. "Or maybe something else. Something I couldn’t name. I know I don’t have anything to offer you. Nothing like...what you're used to, or what you deserve. But...even with all the mess I’ve made of things, even with the life I’ve chosen... I... I don’t know how to quit wanting this. Wanting you."
He looked at you, eyes searching for an answer that felt impossible to find. Why couldn't he fucking stop though? He needed to let it out, he had to. "I know I’m not the one you need, but damn it... I can't help this... whatever it is I feel when you're near."
"Arthur...Do you even realize what my life means to me? What my business mean to me? It’s exactly what your gang and Dutch are to you. Something you can’t just give up in a snap. For anything. Do you know how lucky I am to have a father who raised me to be who I am today? Who respected my choices and believed in me enough to make me his business partner? I mean, have you ever seen that happen? I have worked for it, day and night, damn right I did. So, no matter what, I won’t ever leave all of that behind."
Arthur’s jaw tightened as he took in your words, his eyes narrowing. He hesitated for a beat before replying, his tone laced with something sharp and bitter.
"So… you love the power and money. Is that what you’re saying? That’s what matters most to you? So why are you marrying now, then? Is this just another deal?"
You let out a breath, rubbing your temples as you felt your patience wear thin. A muffled scoff escaped your lips. "Love money--? You’re seriously asking me that? That’s not-" You stopped yourself, exhaling sharply. "You know what? If that’s how you’re going to frame it, then sure. Yes, it does matter. Of course. And you, of all people, should know that. You literally..."
Forget it, it's useless to say it. He already knows.
"What about… love? What about if I did give it up one day, huh? For you if...if you give this a chance? What if I was...never an outlaw? Would you still be saying all of this? " Arthur's voice dipped, low and raw, as if he dared you to look past the life he’d lived and see him, just him.
"And I am not asking you to abandon anything anyway. I never said that. But can't you just...talk to your parents...about this? At least...hear their point of view... maybe they will agree, maybe they do think different of me -"
"No. They. Don't." You frowned, running a hand through your hair. "I know them very well because they are my parents, Arthur. Why are you talking like a ten-year-old? All these ‘what ifs’ are just that, what ifs. They don’t mean a damn thing. See how the real world works, for God’s sake. My world. Your world. You and I both know you’re not giving up your life, and I’m not giving up mine. So what’s next, Arthur? Are we talking about fairies now?"
"Oh, you’re really taking it too far now," he muttered, his voice low and dangerously quiet. "I bared my heart to you, and you’re just taking it as a damn joke?"
"I’m not!" you snapped, throwing your hands up. "But the way you came on to me, the aggressiveness of it, it’s too much! As if I committed some crime. I’m just trying to be honest with you here. We’re two different people, Arthur. Different lives, different worlds. And whatever I’m doing in my life, with whoever, for whatever reason, it’s none of your concern. You know what you should’ve done? Told me sooner. I wouldn’t have minded then, and your feelings wouldn’t be so hurt now. Or even better, never would have approached me again after all these years if this was your intention."
".....Yeah, you are right. I am a fool. A God damn fool."
Your heart was heavy with words you didn’t want to say but felt you had to, seeing him all quiet and...lost.
"I’m sorry... if I ever gave the wrong idea or encouraged... whatever you felt. It wasn’t my intention, Arthur. It never was. And even after this, it's not like I would regret the good moments we spent together. They were refreshing, for both of us."
You paused, your gaze meeting his, and you could see the pain in his eyes, the unspoken hope that you would understand. But you couldn’t, not in the way he wanted.
“I'll pray that you find peace. With someone willing to give it to you. You are a good person, I never said that you aren't. But not for me. Not for someone like me or my family. Not in the way you are thinking."
The cafe felt stifling, the murmurs of other patrons fading into nothing as the two of you were locked in this emotional war. You took a shaky breath and reached for the wedding card on the table, forwarding it.
"Come if you want to," you said, your voice quieter now but no less firm. "But I think it’s better if you don’t...for both of us." Without waiting for a response, you turned on your heel and walked out, the bell on the door jingling faintly behind you.
You didn’t look back, not at the table, not at him, not at the wreckage you knew you were leaving behind.
You didn’t dare.
❀˖°
"(Y/N) where were you-"
"Not now, Mom." The words came out curt, sharper than you intended, but you were too upset to care. That single word, Mom, was enough to let her know you were serious. She caught onto it immediately, her expression shifting to one of quiet concern.
Her gaze darted to Doreen, your chaperone, who stood quietly in the corner. She simply shrugged, her calm demeanor steady as always. Doreen had been working at the manor for years and was one of the few who knew about your friendship with Arthur. You’d confided in her because you trusted her, she was loyal and discreet, a good woman. Otherwise, it would be a nightmare if your mother ever found out. Not that you had anything to hide... except for what had happened today.
But none of that mattered now. It wasn’t like you were going to see Arthur again, not after this. That didn’t stop your mother from barging into your room, though, just as you were ushering out your younger brother, Rayan, and even your cat, a clear sign that you wanted to be left alone.
Once the door shut behind them, leaving the two of you alone in the room, your mother crossed her arms and fixed you with a determined look. "Care to explain what’s going on?"
"Nothing mama. Just--some people--sometimes piss you off."
"But you went to give a card to one of your friends didn't you? She not...coming?"
You shook your head, already feeling the heat rise in your chest again. "No, it’s not that. Just please. I don’t want to talk right now. Where’s Dad?"
She sighed a soft, drawn-out sound that carried her concern. Without saying a word, she moved to sit on the edge of your bed, watching as you rifled through your wardrobe, looking for something to change into. The rustling of hangers filled the room as you avoided her gaze.
"He must be on his way. Lunch is ready. I reckon you haven’t eaten yet?" she asked, her voice gentle, but you could still hear the underlying question.
You mentally scoffed, remembering the way your appetite vanished after everything Arthur had said. "Um--yeah, but I am not hungry." You replied, forcing some enthusiasm into your tone.
She nodded in understanding, but then her expression shifted, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "Oh, Omar is coming today, isn’t he? You both had to go shopping."
You froze for a moment before turning to her with a practiced smile. "Oh yes, I had totally forgotten!. But why shopping, Mamaaa, I’m so tired of it already!"
She tutted at your whining, brushing it aside with ease as she stood up. "Just one last trip. And come on, it’s your first one with him. He hasn’t even bought his suit yet because he wanted to buy it with you. Such a nice boy, isn’t he? I must say, even after rejecting almost every boy, you still found the best one. Patience does reward, doesn’t it?"
You snorted, unable to help yourself. Her words were laced with pride and affection, but you couldn’t quite mirror her excitement.
"You think I was waiting for the perfect one? I was just playing-"
"I know, I know. I’m just playing too," she cut you off with a knowing smile. "As if I don’t know what my daughter is."
Her cheerful expression faltered slightly, replaced by a worried frown. "(Y/N)... you don’t have any contact with Arthur, do you?"
Your heart skipped a beat, but years of getting out of mischief as a child had honed your ability to appear calm under pressure.
"Of course not! Why?" you asked, your tone light, as though the very idea were absurd.
"Mhm," she hummed, her gaze lingering on you for a moment too long. "Just... asking."
She waved it off and stood, her voice returning to its usual brightness. "Anyway, get ready. Omar must be here any minute."
"Yeah, yeah," you replied, brushing her off with a nonchalant shrug.
God, you really needed to go hunting with your dad, feel the familiar rhythm of the hunt to clear your mind. But it was already dusk. Shame, you thought. Well, there’s always tomorrow. You could find some peace in that.
❀˖°
The sound of wheels crunching over the gravel driveway reached your ears as you stood near the window, brushing out the last stray wrinkles from your coat. You could already hear your mother bustling downstairs, her voice rising in warm greeting as the carriage came to a halt in front of the manor. Omar was here.
The idea of going shopping with him now felt exhausting, but you reminded yourself, that this was the man you were going to marry. If nothing else, you could enjoy his company and distract yourself. You fucking needed it today.
There was a knock on your door before Doreen peeked her head in. "He’s here," she said with a knowing smile.
"I know," you sighed one last time before heading downstairs.
As you reached the foyer, Omar had already stepped inside, shaking off the light dusting of snow from his coat. He was dressed in a tailored navy suit, the kind that exuded understated elegance. His dark eyes lit up as soon as they landed on you, a wide, genuine smile spreading across his face.
"Ah, there she is," he said, his voice warm and easy, like it always was. He stepped forward, offering his hand as a gesture of greeting. "You look stunning as always."
You gave him a small smile, your fingers lightly brushing his as you shook his hand. "Thank you, Omar. You look rather dashing yourself."
Your mother beamed from the sidelines, clasping her hands together. "I’ll leave you two to it then! Have a good time, and don’t forget to stop by for supper after shopping!" she called, disappearing into the hallway before either of you could protest.
Omar chuckled softly, leaning in just a fraction as if sharing a secret. "I think she’s more excited about us spending time together than we are."
You couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped. "That’s because she’s been dreaming of this moment for years."
He tilted his head slightly, studying you with a mix of curiosity and fondness. "And you? Are you dreading it as much as you pretend to be, or is that just your way of teasing me?"
"I guess you’ll find out soon enough."
His grin widened, the kind that made it hard not to feel at ease. "I’m up for the challenge."
With that, he offered his arm, and after a brief pause, you looped yours through it. Together, you stepped out of the manor and into the waiting carriage, the crisp air biting at your skin as you settled in for what promised to be an afternoon of conversation and enjoyment.
The carriage rolled into the bustling town square, the cobblestone streets alive with chatter and laughter. Stalls lined the streets, and storefronts glittered with elegant displays of winter fashion. Omar helped you down from the carriage, his gloved hand firm and steady as you stepped onto the pavement. The warmth of his touch lingered, and for a moment, it was almost enough to dispel the tension still coiled in your chest.
"Where shall we start?" he asked, his voice tinged with amusement as he glanced at the shops.
"Your suit, of course," you replied, gesturing to the tailor’s shop down the street. "We wouldn’t want to waste any more time, would we? And also don't want my groom to arrive in pajamas."
He chuckled, the sound low and pleasant. "Efficient as always," he teased, but there was no bite to his words, only affection.
The tailor’s shop smelled of cedar and freshly pressed fabric, the warm atmosphere a stark contrast to the brisk air outside. Omar immediately began perusing the racks of neatly displayed suits, occasionally glancing your way for approval.
"What do you think of this one?" he asked, holding up a charcoal-grey ensemble.
You tilted your head, pretending to consider it seriously. "Mhm let's see. It’s nice, but… not quite you."
He raised a brow, intrigued. "Not quite me? And what is ‘me,’ exactly?"
You smirked, stepping closer to him. "Something a little more daring. You’re not the type to blend into the background. And honestly, that colour is for oldies."
Omar laughed, a soft, genuine sound that seemed to fill the room. "I’ll take that as a compliment."
The tailor appeared then, guiding Omar to a private fitting room. You waited near the mirrors, idly browsing the display of silk ties and pocket squares. When Omar stepped out, dressed in a deep navy suit with subtle silver pinstripes, you felt your breath hitch for a moment.
"Well?" he asked, spreading his arms slightly as he turned toward you. "Do I meet your high standards now?"
You took a step closer, adjusting the lapel of his jacket with careful fingers. "Much better," you murmured, your voice softer than you intended.
His gaze softened as he looked down at you, the air between you growing quiet and intimate. "You know," he said, his voice low, "it means a lot to me… that you’re here. Dearest fiancee."
You glanced up snickering, meeting his eyes. There was something disarming about how he looked at you, as though he could see straight through the layers of composure you worked so hard to maintain.
"I suppose it’s only fair," you said lightly, trying to deflect the weight of his gaze. "You’ll have to endure me for the rest of your life, after all."
His smile widened, but there was a hint of something deeper in his expression, something almost reverent. "Endure you? I don’t think that’s the word I’d use."
The moment stretched between you, delicate and charged, before you stepped back, clearing your throat. This was soemthing you thought you would never do. Like shopping? For marriage? Your own marriage? Feels nice though.
"Let’s pay for this and move on. There’s still plenty to do."
Omar chuckled, following your lead. "As you wish."
The rest of the afternoon passed in a flurry of shops and conversations, the initial awkwardness between you easing into a comfortable rhythm. At one point, as you passed a small flower stall, Omar paused, picking up a single white rose.
"For you," he said, offering it with a small, sincere smile.
You hesitated, then took it, the softness of the petals brushing against your fingers. "Thank you," you said quietly, your heart unexpectedly lighter.
"Though, for the record, I’m not fond of buying flowers. I prefer them in their roots, not plucked out."
Omar tilted his head, intrigued. "Fair enough," he said with a soft chuckle. "I’ll keep that in mind next time." He paused, then grinned. "Wait, is it because of that plantation-related project your dad was talking about? The one about 'Greenery for better Scenery' Or are you just secretly a botanist in disguise?"
You laughed, shaking your head. "Maybe," you said, teasingly, "Or maybe I just don’t like the idea of something being uprooted just to sit in a vase."
He nodded as you both climbed into the carriage, the sound of the wheels rolling over the cobblestone streets almost rhythmic as you sat there, lost in thought. The air was cooler now, and the weight of the day felt heavy on your shoulders. You couldn't shake the frustration bubbling inside you, the anger from dealing with Arthur, the frustration of his insistence, and the guilt gnawing at you because, deep down, you didn’t want to hurt him. But it was necessary.
People had to be reminded of who was in control sometimes. To be given a wake-up call. The thought of being his lover, his wife... living that life, in some tent? That had to be a joke. Those two months weren’t some nice escape anyone might imagine. Every second, you missed the comfort of your home, the warmth, the familiarity, the safety. You had been kind to them, yes, but kindness didn’t mean trust. Your heart was wary, and at the end of the day, they were strangers. Dangerous strangers.
He knew this. You could see it in the way he looked at you back then, the silent acknowledgment of the gap that could never be bridged. And yet, somehow, now, it seemed he’d forgotten all of that. Did he truly believe he could make that reckless fantasy a reality?
Your mother had been right. You should’ve never gotten engaged in the first place. Being nice, being accommodating, sometimes, it cost too much.
"You okay? You look tired."
You snapped back to the present, finding Omar's concerned gaze on you. You gave him a small smile. "Mhm? Yeah, I've been out most of the day so..."
"You could’ve told me we would’ve had the spree shortened," he said, his tone gentle.
You waved him off, shrugging lightly. "C'mon, it's nothing. You needed all that. My stuff's done anyway."
"Still, I don’t want my bride to be sick or anything." He nudged you playfully, but you weren't in the mood for jokes. "Um, sorry. We’re just about there anyway,"
"It’s alright. I didn’t mind for a minute." You voice softened.
He gazed at you, and before you could protest, he placed his hand over yours. "Good to know that. I loved every second too, darling."
"Me too..." Your heart skipped a beat at the warmth of his touch. "Can I ask you something?" You began, your voice quieter than usual.
"Sure. Shoot."
"Would you ever, like ever, say something like... 'leave the business or stay at home' shit to me?"
He leaned back slightly at your cold question, a flicker of surprise crossing his face. "We’ve already discussed this a million times, (Y/N), and even our families. You are perfect the way you are. Why would I suddenly say that?"
"Men aren’t really something you trust," you replied, the bitterness seeping through despite your best effort to stay neutral.
He sighed but remained understanding, his expression softening. "You know I won’t. I know you do. Yet you’re asking. It’s a clear sign something happened today, didn’t it?"
You paused for a moment, looking out the carriage window, not trusting yourself to speak for a second. "No. Just... making sure."
He reached over, gently brushing his thumb over your hand. "And I’m assuring you, love. I want a partner, not a slave or whatever your mind is conjuring up. Did you forget I literally sent the proposal after being impressed by your articles?"
"Mhm." He didn't press further, sensing that you needed space.
The carriage rolled to a stop outside your home, the rhythmic clop of the horses’ hooves fading into the quiet of the evening. You hadn’t spoken much on the journey back, your mind preoccupied with thoughts. Omar had been like your father in many ways, supportive, steadfast, grounded, and practical. Ideal, really. That’s part of why you didn’t hesitate when he proposed. But no matter how rational he seemed or how certain he was about the future, doubt lingered in the corners of your mind. Guess it's natural considering you are a woman. Marriage is a big thing for you.
To you, it feels like a gamble, an unpredictable, high-stakes game where you could win or lose everything. And the words Arthur had thrown at you, his cold assumption that you might give up everything for mere love, or worse, let your family catch wind of this, echoed with unsettling clarity. It didn’t sit right with you. Not in the least. If he thought that way if he believed you would toss away your entire world for something as transient as affection, what was to stop Omar from thinking the same?
You tried to shake the thought, but it clung to you, persistent and unwelcome. You’d seen the way people could twist things to their advantage. Would he, too, expect you to throw it all away? Would he demand that you choose him over everything else you’d built? Especially comparing a stupid thing as love to it.
Life ain't some romance novel, Arthur.
As the door to the carriage opened, you stepped out, taking a deep breath. Yeah, love was nothing when it came to reality, when it came to your rights, to what you truly wanted. If it all turned out to be a farce, then nothing was stopping you from getting a divorce. The thought felt both reassuring and disconcerting. But for now... you reminded yourself, let’s focus on the here and now.
With a gentle yet weary smile, you turned to Omar and guided him inside. You were greeted warmly by your family, their voices filled with cheerful greetings and questions. It was almost too easy to slip back into the comfort of routine. Your mother’s bright smile and your father’s firm hand on your shoulder reminded you that for all the doubts, you still had a foundation here.
Your mother chimed, her eyes sparkling as she looked from you to Omar. "I trust your shopping went well?"
You nodded, offering a warm and relaxed smile. "Yes, everything’s set for the wedding. Finally." Omar pulled you closer noticing your tiredness and you melted into the embrace as the chatter went on.
"I love you, y'know." You glanced up, a bit taken aback by his sweet whisper, but replied with the same tenderness, "Love you too, Omar." With that, he received a kiss on the cheek, making him pull you closer if that was even possible.
❀˖°
“Dutch? You busy?”
The leader glanced up from his book, smoke curling lazily around him. He studied Hosea’s expression for a moment before shaking his head. “No, no. Come in. Have a seat.” He rose, shutting the tent flap behind Hosea to block out the biting chill of the night.
Both men settled around the makeshift study, the dim lantern between them casting flickering shadows on their weathered faces. The faint warmth from the lantern did little to push back the cold, but Dutch’s focus remained sharp, his cigar perched between two fingers.
“It’s a chilly one tonight,” Dutch commented, his tone light but probing as he watched Hosea take a cigar for himself.
Hosea nodded, lighting it and taking a long drag before exhaling slowly. “It is.” He leaned back slightly, the seriousness in his eyes undeniable. “I came to tell you something. I think… something happened with Arthur today.”
“What? As in physically? Is he fine?” Dutch asked, frowning. Arthur wasn’t one to get injured on some random Tuesday.
"No, no. God forbid," Hosea replied, shaking his head. "It’s not that. He went somewhere today, midday, and when he came back, he just… felt hollow, y’know? Hasn’t come out of his tent since."
“Arthur, brooding? Maybe he’s sick,” Dutch muttered, though his brow furrowed in concern.
“He didn’t even come for supper, Dutch,” Hosea added pointedly.
Dutch leaned back in his chair, tapping the ash from his cigar. “Alright, I’ll handle him in the morning.”
“Yeah, just… take it easy with him,” Hosea advised. “You know how he is, tends to keep things bottled up, no matter how much it’s eating at him.”
Dutch narrowed his eyes. “Did you try yourself? Usually, you’re the one who can get through to him.”
“I did,” Hosea admitted with a sigh. “Knocked on his tent, asked if he was alright, but he didn’t answer. Not a peep. So…”
Dutch hummed, rubbing his jaw thoughtfully. "Alright. Morning it is, then. Wait a minute...Do you think it’s that girl? What was her name---- Mary? The one who sent those gifts? Are they back together, or…?"
"How could it be her?” Hosea interjected. "They broke things off ages ago. And last I heard from the girls gossiping, she’s already married to someone else."
“Then who’s he been seeing all this time? The one who sent those gifts almost a year ago, Hosea? You remember that right?” Dutch pressed, his eyes narrowing.
Hosea shrugged, his expression thoughtful. “Must be someone else. But it wasn’t Mary, he never said her name, as in that she sent them. But he is meeting someone. That much, I’m sure of."
"Well, if it's someone else this time and... I don’t want to assume, but if it happened again, then... well, bummer."
"Dutch." Hosea’s tone carried a hint of reprimand.
"What? I’m just... forget it. Well, the boy has a tendency to attract trouble for himself, that’s what I meant."
"Losing something doesn’t stop someone from wanting... Dutch. And that applies to... many things."
Dutch’s lips quirked into an understanding smile. The motto was indeed fitting for anything, money, love, peace, freedom, you name it.
"Well said, Hosea, well said. A man’s strength isn’t just in what he holds onto, but in what he’s willing to let go of. Arthur’s got more fight in him than he realizes. He’ll get through this, one way or another.”
"Broken men are the most dangerous too."
Dutch grinned, matching Hosea's dry humor. "Our Arthur is that, anyway."
❀˖°
After the evening ended with heartfelt, romantic goodbyes, you lay in the bed and your mind on its own replayed the whole day.
It wasn’t your fault, right? Yes? No? No, it wasn’t. He was the one who came, the one who set all of this in motion. He knew exactly what he was walking into. What did he expect, honestly? That your family would just hand you over to him? That your parents, with their pristine image and their business deals, would throw all of that away to give you to a man with a bounty on his head, a man living on the fringes of society? What the fuck were they even supposed to tell their peers?
"Oh, our daughter is marrying a notorious outlaw, it's just a phase."
No. They would never. They couldn’t.
And yet, there he was, sitting in front of you, asking for something that never could be. It wasn’t that you didn’t care about him, you did, in a way. You had always known your life would be different. You were born into a world where rules mattered, where expectations were set before you even had a say in the matter.
You had been nothing more than a curious soul who wanted to hear his stories, a girl who saw him as a peculiar friend. An older brother figure. Nothing more. And here you were thinking he saw you the same. A peculiar friend. An annoying younger sister. A pure bond of nothing more than a friendship, between two different worlds. Nothing more.
Your parents are not exactly fond of them considering, of course, what you all went through because of that incident which is not even allowed to be discussed in your house. No judgment to them because outlaws are unpredictable. dangerous, untrustworthy. That's their textbook definition, one you had learned literally firsthand living there from them.
And on the other hand, society is cruel too in its own way.
So what did he expect from you? What did he think would happen?
You rolled to the left side of your bed, your eyes landing on the vanity. Where the gifts your in-laws had sent were placed aptly. The anxiety of the upcoming big day was suddenly back in full force, pressing in on your chest as if the winds of your life were about to shift their course in one final, irreversible moment.
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─AN: Lemme know if you wanna be added or removed in the comments and idk I hope I got the names right and you got notified, cuz some of u weren't showing up on that tiny pop up list--idk it just my first time tagging a lot of ppl sry! 😭Thanks for reading, and as always, interactions are appreciated. ^_^
★ tag list: @shackspossum @whalecage @nayykura @m1stea @warmsideofthepillow03 @thatoneraeder @marzintears @nxttaru @cazzacarm @she-is-my-unrequited-love34 @nulixity @poll-u @bajabish @cheesycheddarr @luzzbuzz @dilfsarelife @ninastyless @claire-is-here @raeraypoca @hopingtoclearmedschool
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THE GIRL THAT WAS MINE-DREW STARKEY
The sound of the door creaked as it opened, and Drew Starkey stood frozen in the hallway. He had barely been able to process the message he’d received earlier that day, Y/N was back. After months of radio silence, she had finally come home. But what did that even mean? Was she back for good? Or was this just another one of those fleeting moments that only seemed to leave more questions than answers?
He took a deep breath and walked inside, his boots echoing against the floorboards of his childhood home. The place felt just as empty as it had when she left, quiet and lonely, with only memories lingering in the corners. His eyes scanned the room, landing on her.
She looked different, like she had changed in all the ways he couldn’t put his finger on. Her hair was a little longer, her face a little more guarded, like she wasn’t sure if she could let him in again.
“Hey,” she said softly, standing by the kitchen counter. Her voice was calm, but he could hear the hesitation in it. “You got my message?”
“Yeah,” Drew replied, his voice rough. “I got it. But I didn’t expect…this.”
She bit her lip, looking down at the floor for a moment before meeting his gaze again. “I didn’t expect to come back either. But I had to.”
The words were simple, but they hit him hard, like a punch in the gut. Because he knew exactly what she meant. She had left, just like the song said, packing up her life without a word and disappearing without a trace. And now, she was back, but it was clear things weren’t the same.
“You were gone for a long time,” Drew said quietly, crossing the room to stand in front of her. His eyes never left hers, searching for the answers she wasn’t saying. “Why now? Why come back?”
Y/N hesitated for a moment, her eyes flickering with uncertainty. “I don’t know…I didn’t want to. But I had to. I’ve been thinking about a lot of things… and I realized I can’t keep running from everything. I…I need to make some choices for myself.”
Drew felt his chest tighten as he took in her words. She wasn’t the same Y/N who had left. She wasn’t the girl who had trusted him, the one who had laughed with him at the kitchen table, who had shared her dreams and fears in the dark of the night. That girl was gone.
“I don’t know what you want from me,” Drew admitted, his voice lowering. “But I can’t just forget about everything we had, Y/N. I can’t just move on like it never happened.”
Her eyes softened, and for a moment, she looked like she might say something, something that would make everything feel less complicated. But the words didn’t come. Instead, she looked away.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” she said quietly. “But I can’t love you anymore. Not like I did. I need to be on my own right now. I can’t be in something that I can’t fully give myself to.”
The words stung, and Drew’s chest tightened at the confession. He had always known there was a part of her that was unreachable, but hearing it aloud, seeing the sadness in her eyes as she said it, felt like a punch to the gut. He hadn’t been enough. He hadn’t been able to give her whatever it was she needed, and now she was leaving. Again.
“You came home today,” Drew muttered under his breath, his voice rough with emotion. “And now you’re telling me to stay away.”
Y/N’s face flushed with emotion, but she held her ground. “I didn’t want to say it, Drew. But I have to. I have to do what’s right for me.”
“I thought we had something,” Drew said, his voice thick. “I thought we had something that would last. But you’re telling me to stay away, telling me you don’t love me anymore. You can’t just walk away from everything we were.”
“I never wanted to walk away,” Y/N whispered, her voice breaking slightly. “But I had to. I had to leave to figure out who I was. To figure out what I wanted. I didn’t expect to come back like this. But I’m not the same person I was when I left.”
Drew nodded, his heart sinking in his chest. He had heard the words, but they didn’t make it any easier to hear. He had tried to hold on to the hope that she’d come back and things would be the same, but they weren’t. And they never would be.
“So that’s it then,” he said, his voice quiet but heavy with regret. “You’re leaving again. You’re just gonna pack up and go, and I’m left here, alone.”
Y/N reached for his hand, but stopped just short of touching him. “I never meant to hurt you, Drew. I swear. But I can’t stay in something that doesn’t feel right for me anymore.”
“You’ve already hurt me, Y/N,” Drew replied, his voice raw. “You left without a word, without giving me a chance. I don’t know what to do with all this…I don’t know how to let you go.”
“You don’t have to let me go completely,” Y/N said, her voice barely above a whisper. “But I can’t be who you want me to be. I can’t be the person you need. Not right now.”
Drew swallowed hard, his eyes locking with hers. He didn’t know how to make sense of this, how to let go of everything they once had. But as he stared at her, he saw the truth in her eyes. She wasn’t the same person. And maybe he wasn’t either.
“I’ll never forget you, Y/N,” Drew said quietly, his voice tinged with finality. “You were mine once. And maybe I’ll always think of you that way. But I can’t keep waiting for you to come back. Not if you don’t want me to.”
She nodded slowly, as if she understood. Then, with one final, lingering glance, Y/N turned and walked away, leaving Drew standing there, lost in a sea of memories and feelings he didn’t know how to deal with.
And as she disappeared from sight, Drew couldn’t help but wonder if she would ever really come back. If she’d ever find her way back to him, or if she was already gone for good.
But for now, he was left with nothing but memories of the girl who once belonged to him. And maybe, just maybe, that would be enough.
𝕥𝕒𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥 @nicholaschavezslut69
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lightblueminecraftorchid · 1 month ago
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My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Don’t Like It
#blue chatter#they called me a resilient person. and no the fuck I am not. I break down so easily over everything and my body is falling apart on me.#I scream in terror when someone knocks on the door too hard the fuck you mean I’m good at handling adversity#I pointed out that I freak out whenever my grade gets low even a little bit#and they were just sitting there like ‘yeah. and then you pick yourself up again and you do the work.’#and no? not always? oftentimes I give up and don’t try hard enough to fix it and let points go that I could have earned#I barely ever go for extra credit opportunities and I’ve never gone to office hours of my own free will#I can’t even think about talking to a professor about a bad grade without wanting to cry? hello?#but they were insistent that even with those things I am still managing Incredibly Well in class given the circumstances. which made me#uncomfortable. like. I don’t think of myself as resilient At All and I feel a bit like I’m lying or tricking them.#I start shaking like a chihuahua when people are upset and I’m In The Vicinity. even when they’re clearly not upset with me.#I really struggle to advocate for myself ever and even when I do I usually feel guilty and walk it back partway so I don’t cause a fight#and I always get way too emotional for the situation when someone has anything they’re upset with me for. which isn’t fair to them bc I need#to be able to take constructive criticism without taking it as a personal attack on me.#like what the fuck do you mean *resilient*. I can’t even handle seeing a bug flying near my face or getting a B in a class. or being told#that I did something wrong. I’m actually significantly worse at handling adversity than I used to be. high school me was a resilientish kid.#and it’s not like I was ever *good* at handling my emotions. even when it was essential for my safety. I’ve always cried way too easily#even when it actively made the situation I was in Much Worse. even when I knew better.#I would get angry and scared and sad and start shaking and crying and even screaming at my parents when they were mad at me even though#I knew that it would always make my life much worse. and extend an already beleaguered argument.#I brought this up with my therapist and she was like ‘well. anybody would have done that if they were treated like you were’.#which. okay. maybe so. I still feel like I should have been able to handle it and just shut up and move on and not make it worse.#but I am aware that this is probably a cognitive distortion. even so. that definitely doesn’t make me resilient.#I just. I feel gross being called resilient. I’m not. I’m weak and easily scared and unable to handle even small amounts of adversity.#the fuck is my roommate even *seeing*.#the annoying part is that they’re generally an insightful person about other people and I know logically that they’re probably right#which is why I’m not going to complain any more about this to their face bc I should just drop it and not make it a Thing#I talk too much about myself and my problems anyway. not every conversation has to be about my brain worms.#but the discomfort is Distinct and Unpleasant. and now I’m just having to sit with it. and Feel Uncomfortable. and try to accept what was#definitely intended as a compliment. I know it’s draining to talk to someone who doesn’t accept any of the kind things you say about them.
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sansaorgana · 18 hours ago
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Now, that's what I call a Christmas gift! 🎁😂
“Some of the things I said were…unkind-”
“Cruel.” He interjects with a smirk; you purse your lips playfully and continue.
“But so were your deeds, and I have forgiven you. Mostly. So perhaps you should do me the same courtesy,” you twirl a strand of his hair around your finger as you prop yourself up to search his gaze, “since we are… what are we again? Oh yes…”
Honestly who is he to call someone or something cruel lmaooo
“Do they really need to know?” He had asked you one night, holding you close as the rest of the world slept.
“What do you mean, love? Oh, that you’re mine? Yes, absolutely, they must. If I don’t stake my claim now, all of Eregion’s eligible maidens will be vying for your hand, and I cannot possibly entertain a rival for your affections.” Your tone is light, your words spoken in jest, but he sees in you the same dark possessive streak that runs so deeply within him, and his heart can’t help but reach out for yours, dark tendrils of his power wrapping around you.
Why does he want to keep their relationship secret? 🤨
“My love, if the sun were too bright or the moon offensive to your eyes or the stars were to outshine your radiance, I would tear it all down for you. Everything I do is for the love of you.” He means it, in his own way, and you know it, a thrill shooting through you, ending in butterflies in the pit of your stomach.
Oh... 🥺
When he first saw you, Sauron never thought he would end up here, with you so willingly his. His to hold close and torment with his loving words, torture with his lingering touch, to soothe with the lies that drip so easily from his tongue.
TO SOOTHE WITH THE LIES?! EXCUSE ME?!!
“So good for me, opening under my touch, I know what you need, darling, I have you, just let go.” He murmurs in your ear, aching for your release as much as his own; after all, they are the same thing.
Oh... 🥴
“So beautiful, my darling wife, wrung out and ruined for me. Is there a single thought in that pretty mind?” He can’t help but gaze at you fondly, slicked with sweat and writhing under his fingers.
No, absolutely not. Zero thoughts. 🙃
Hand in hand with your husband, you cannot help but feel at peace as you stroll through the streets of Eregion.
Musicians fill the air with song, lively market stalls line the streets, and children run and play amongst the revellers.
Your fellow Elves are still a little in awe of him, the crowds parting as you make your way through the city.
This is so sad because he will be their very demise...
“How can I call myself the Lord of Gifts if I cannot even gift my wife a small trinket for her devotion?” He teases you fondly, his broad smile reaching his eyes, making them crinkle at the corners in the way that makes you want to kiss every crease and wrinkle from his face just to make them multiply a hundredfold.
I love the wrinkles around his eyes more than anything, I swear! 🩷
A slim golden band graces your finger, radiating your husband’s power. There is something about it, something that makes you never want to take it off.
🤨🤨🤨 girl, don't wear that...
AND THE SMUT DURING THE FALL OF EREGION WAS SO HOT OMG I MEAN THEY ALL WERE BUT THIS ONE AHHH I'D LOVE TO SEE MORE OF THIS SIDE OF SAURON 🥴🔥
“You make it sound so inelegant, ‘rule the world’, is it my fault that the peoples of Middle Earth need uniting under a strong leader, one who will bring them the order and balance they so desire?” He is still using that calm, condescending tone that drives you mad, that once soothed you but now feels like fingernails under your skin.
that calm, condescending tone is what makes my knees melt tbh
“You want to be worshipped as a god.” You whisper, unable to believe this is the man you married, that you loved. Love. Love, still, as you rail against the feeling, hopeless to break it.
“And you, my goddess. It is as it should be, the right way of things, the people need order, and we can give it to them. You and I.” He traces your face softly, making you shiver. “Only us.”
girl what do you mean you don't want this, this is all I've ever dreamt of!!!
"You want to heal Middle Earth? How can one so broken know anything of healing?"
ouuuuuuch 😭
“You don’t know my heart.” It tastes a lie as it leaves your lips, but it’s the only retort you have.
With a soft smile, knowing and terrible, he replies, “Darling, I am your heart.”
A SOFT SMILE – KNOWING AND TERRIBLE. I love that creepy smile. 🔥 And the line is fire, too!
And In The Darkness Bind Them (Sauron/F!Reader)
A series of vignettes (smutty and angsty) chronicling S2 Rings of Power
Sequel to Homecoming // AO3 Link incoming
Soundtrack: Beautiful Things by Benson Boone, Replay by Lady Gaga, Hands of Gold by Peter Hollens (kudos to @missjadesfics for this one)
Warnings: 18+ only!! Little bit of fluff, mostly smut and angst! Sometimes together!! P in V sex, oral (female receiving), fingering, possessiveness/toxic relationship, overstimulation, public sex/exhibitionism, dom!Sauron (I know smh, what am I doing??), carry-fucking (y'all I am cooking here, like he is basically a god so no matter how light or heavy you are, he can definitely pick you up and fuck you stupid okay), cumplay (idk how to describe it any other way), praise/condescending/degradation (it's a wild ride lmao), so much angst, very (!!) dubious consent towards the end (sorry, Sauron really leaning into his villain era now)
A/N: Reader is mad in love with our boy in this one but uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh well good luck guys idk
rather than a bunch of actual chapters, I've written a few vignettes for S2 Rings of Power (maybe I'll go back and expand on them later), starting near the start where Sauron is more Annatar, finishing at the end where he is ... very much himself. Some of the smut gets very dark, please take note of the tags!!
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The morning after Annatar climbs into your bed, you are momentarily confused to see long golden hair on the pillow next to you. Then you remember that Halbrand is no more.
“Good morning, love.” He props himself up on one arm, disentangling himself from your embrace.
You cannot help but stare at him a moment; this ethereal creature in front of you cannot be yours.
“Is it really you?” You ask him, eyes sparkling and fingers trailing over his high cheekbones, his broad firm chest, his sculpted lips.
“Always, darling.” He pulls you close, kissing your forehead.
He always smells the same, like salt and iron, smoke and musk. If your souls were to no longer recognise each other, you swear you could follow your nose to find him.
“You left so suddenly, I didn’t get to say goodbye.” You murmur into his chest, fingers entwined in his golden hair.
“I’m sorry, love, circumstances arose, I had matters to take care of, but I’m here now.”
He had set his plans in motion in Mordor, and waited for Galadriel to leave Eregion. He had a feeling that she would have told no-one there who he really was, her ego bruised and pride bleeding. He only had to wait for you to let him in. And with a little pleading, you had managed to convince Celebrimbor to open his gates.
“We should talk, properly, about what happened, the last time we saw each other. At Forodwaith.” You stutter and trip over your words, nervous to bring up the subject, but it has weighed heavily on your mind.
He sighs, running his fingers up and down your arm, unhurried and unphased.
Of course you had been angry with him when you’d found out about his plans to become Morgoth’s successor, and you stood by that anger. But knowing you had left him to die, to mourn the loss of your husband for centuries, your mind screamed at you to make it right, whatever you had to say.
“Some of the things I said were…unkind-”
“Cruel.” He interjects with a smirk; you purse your lips playfully and continue.
“But so were your deeds, and I have forgiven you. Mostly. So perhaps you should do me the same courtesy,” you twirl a strand of his hair around your finger as you prop yourself up to search his gaze, “since we are… what are we again? Oh yes…”
You lean in and whisper in his ear, “Bound in flesh and soul.”
His smile this time is dangerous, threatening, promising.
“And to think, if I were not so ravenous in my lust for you-” he grasps your wrists, pins them to the headboard with one hand and wraps his other arm around you, nose in your hair as he breathes in deeply.
“-I might have spared myself this torment.” He grins into your neck as you try to catch his lips with yours. “Not that I would have it any other way.”
He bends his neck and kisses you softly, releasing you just enough to throw your arms around his neck, through his silky golden hair, pulling him closer.
The dread that had dogged you for centuries is gone. There is no such thing as chance, and he is sure that you were supposed to leave him, whatever the reason, to save you from the same evil fate he suffered. After a millennium as primordial ooze, he can’t bring himself to care, only grateful to have you in his arms again.
~
Celebrimbor had been rather taken aback when Annatar had walked into his forge with you on his arm. You had been a close friend for many years, having visited his city many times, even reinforced the defences with the ancient magic you’d learned from your lost kin. He knew you were married but had never met your lord husband; no one could have guessed he was an emissary of the Valar.
Indeed you were surprised by his cover story too, but dismissed it as your husband wanting to make the best impression as you introduced him to the world.
“Do they really need to know?” He had asked you one night, holding you close as the rest of the world slept.
“What do you mean, love? Oh, that you’re mine? Yes, absolutely, they must. If I don’t stake my claim now, all of Eregion’s eligible maidens will be vying for your hand, and I cannot possibly entertain a rival for your affections.” Your tone is light, your words spoken in jest, but he sees in you the same dark possessive streak that runs so deeply within him, and his heart can’t help but reach out for yours, dark tendrils of his power wrapping around you.
“How could I look at another soul the way I look at you? You are the other half of me, the reason my heart still beats. No one compares to my wife, and I would reduce anyone who argued otherwise to dust.”
You laugh a little, burying your face in his side, but he needs you to know just how serious he is, cupping and lifting your chin to hold your gaze.
“My love, if the sun were too bright or the moon offensive to your eyes or the stars were to outshine your radiance, I would tear it all down for you. Everything I do is for the love of you.” He means it, in his own way, and you know it, a thrill shooting through you, ending in butterflies in the pit of your stomach.
It amazes you that even after the eons you’ve loved each other, you still feel the same flutters of excitement you did when you first set eyes on him in that golden glade, millenia ago.
The trials you have endured only sweeten the moments of contentment, making you all the more grateful to hold each other.
~
He has a job to do, a forge to supervise, and rings to create. But with you in his arms and a gentle breeze cooling you both in the burgeoning warmth of spring, he could be persuaded to stay abed a little longer.
“Stay with me today.” You murmur into his chest, unwilling to let him go.
It’s as if you could hear his thoughts as he could hear yours.
He chuckles fondly, stroking your hair, considering the vaguest possibility of letting Celebrimbor work unattended for today. Surely one day couldn’t hurt?
“I have to oversee the rings, my love, their progress is precious in every sense of the word,” he says as he traces your arm, rubbing slow circles into your skin with his thumb.
You grumble with indignation, nestling closer to his side as if to keep him there with the sheer magnetism of your presence. He squeezes your arm softly before resting his chin on the top of your head.
“One day with my husband. Is that too much to ask?” Your tone is still a little petulant, but he can’t help but smile fondly at your yearning for him; after all, it is returned a hundredfold.
“Your husband is an emissary of the Valar, he has… important duties, what are you doing?”
You give him a mischievous smile, running your foot up and down his leg, hand reaching between his thighs.
“I am simply showing my husband what he is missing when he attends to these important duties, more important than keeping his wife satisfied, apparently.” Your smile grows wider as his eyes grow dark, pupils blowing wide as your hand finds its prize, his cock already half hard simply from lying next to you all morning, breathing you in.
“Are you implying I do not keep you satisfied, my lady? Oh, that simply will not do…” he growls, rolling you over and caging you beneath his iron frame.
You look up at him through your lashes, your breath hitching as arousal pools in your core and drips down your thighs.
The dark glint in his eye only intensifies as he catches the scent of you, needy for his touch, as he dips his fingers between your thighs, delicately tracing your entrance as you shiver beneath him.
His hard length juts against your hip as he greedily swallows your moans, not sated until he has wrung every note of pleasure from you. His tongue doesn’t need to fight for dominance in your mouth; he already has it, and you let him take whatever he needs from you.
His thrusts are lazy, languid, now that his plans for the day no longer involve leaving your bed, meaning to take his sweet time with you.
His index and middle fingers circle your entrance, dipping in and out, thrusting deeper each time until he is knuckle-deep inside you. He hooks his fingers in a come hither motion, watching your face soften through hooded eyes as he strokes the sweetest spot inside you. Your body shakes under his ministrations as you clench around his fingers, seemingly unwilling to let him part from you in any way, shape, or form.
He kisses the tip of your nose before drawing back to take you in, spread out underneath him, hair across the pillow, lips parted and panting, eyes glassy with pleasure. He’d never tire of this sight.
When he first saw you, Sauron never thought he would end up here, with you so willingly his. His to hold close and torment with his loving words, torture with his lingering touch, to soothe with the lies that drip so easily from his tongue.
He covets you even when he has you pressed to him skin to skin, craves you even when he can’t breathe for his tongue inside you, wants to wrap himself around you when he can feel your soul entwined with his.
You are his, and today of all days, it is overwhelming him completely.
“So good for me, opening under my touch, I know what you need, darling, I have you, just let go.” He murmurs in your ear, aching for your release as much as his own; after all, they are the same thing.
He lowers himself to press his body against yours, needing to feel every inch of you against him, cunt clenching around his fingers as you give him your pleasure. You whine and pant against his neck as he refuses to give you a moment’s respite, stroking your inner walls, grinding his palm against your clit.
You shake through your orgasm, riding out your high on his fingers which relentlessly wring out every drop of pleasure from your body, until you’re breathless, pleasantly warm and tingly all over, and totally exhausted.
“So beautiful, my darling wife, wrung out and ruined for me. Is there a single thought in that pretty mind?” He can’t help but gaze at you fondly, slicked with sweat and writhing under his fingers.
Until this moment, he has had no thought of his own pleasure. Now he feels his cock ache to be inside you, and he rolls his hips against yours, sliding his cock between your thighs and rutting against your soft skin, his precum and your wetness soaking your thighs, easing his way. With every roll of his hips his cock grinds against your clit, rubbing against your lips, making you want him inside you where he belongs.
He throws his head back with a gasp, his golden hair falling over his shoulder, as the morning sun illuminates him from behind. You wonder, how could this ethereal being be yours? Giving into his carnal desires and binding himself to a mortal form for the love of you. It is too much to ponder, and you pull him down to your lips, desperate to taste him once more.
As you pull him down, he adjusts himself, teasing you with the promise of filling you up. He chuckles in your ear when you moan at the feeling of him thrusting deep inside you, his bare skin sliding against yours, as he makes himself at home between your thighs.
He slides his hand between you, his index and middle fingers parted to frame your clit as he rubs your cunt, occasionally tracing the swollen nub that begs for his attention. The whimpers that escape your lips only urge him to tease you further, forcing you to arch into his touch, chasing any semblance of release.
Your hips ache as you thrust to meet his hand, fighting the rolling of his hips as he takes what he wants from you. His cock driving into your wet heat, his hand between you teasing and caressing your clit, his forehead against yours as he holds himself over you with his free hand.
Before long, he feels his orgasm approach, too soon, but perhaps not for you, as you beg him to let you come, and how could he deny you when you plead so sweetly?
Not that he could ever deny any request made from your lips.
He pulls you close, torso to torso, and kisses you hard, a hungry clash of lips and tongues and teeth that leaves you both breathless, greedily swallowing your moans as if they were all he needed to survive.
It feels like a revelation every time, and this occasion is no different. When you both finally come down from the pleasurable peak he'd dragged you to, you still feel like you're floating, clinging to him just to stay grounded.
As you both lie there in your cozy bed, panting and nestling close, his large frame fitting around you so completely, he smoothes back flyaway tendrils of your hair from your face and regards you with a strange look, something akin to fondness but more hungry, more desperate, more obsessive.
As your breathing slows and you return to the mortal plain, you look up at him and smile.
“So. About today. I could show you the city? You haven’t seen beyond the forge, my love, and while it is no Gondolin, it has its charms, we’ve built something beautiful here. I want you to see it.” Your eyes sparkle at the idea of showing Sauron around your city, and he cannot help but give in, even as he wants to stay here with you as long as possible.
“Then I must let our friend know he shall have to do the work of the Valar himself today.” He chuckles, brushing his nose against yours.
~
Hand in hand with your husband, you cannot help but feel at peace as you stroll through the streets of Eregion.
Musicians fill the air with song, lively market stalls line the streets, and children run and play amongst the revellers.
Your fellow Elves are still a little in awe of him, the crowds parting as you make your way through the city.
“Do you never tire of this?” You ask, a blush creeping up your neck, gesturing at the people nodding and bowing and staring as he walks past with you.
His derisive snort should tell you everything you need to know as he smirks, casting a glance at you, squeezing your hand to soothe your discomfort. You were so used to serving the people of Eregion, that this sudden change in treatment was unsettling. You appreciated thanks for your work, but anything beyond that was too much; this nigh-worship was almost unbearable.
Sauron, however, was flourishing.
“It is what we deserve, my love, to be revered. We are more than them, after all.” He has always enjoyed your attentions, your worship, but he cannot deny that this satisfies his need to rule in a way that your love alone cannot touch.
“You might be, love, but I am merely one of them. So it feels strange…” You trail off as you regard him closely, noticing just how at ease he seems to be.
“Let’s go back.” You fight the growing dread in the pit of your stomach, wishing that you had just stayed in bed with him instead.
“Are you quite alright, love?” He turns to you, searching your gaze, only now noticing your concern.
“Yes, fine, darling, I just,” you search for an excuse, any excuse, “I’m just tired. Perhaps a lie down will do the trick, if you would join me?”
A flicker of irritation crosses his face; he might as well have gone to the forge today, if you were going to cut short your trip into the city.
“I might see how Lord Celebrimbor is coming along with the rings, and let you rest.” He gives you a smile but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, and your stomach flips.
“Of course, love, I’ll see you later then.”
He presses a kiss to your knuckles before disappearing into the crowd, a strange sense of trepidation filling you as he leaves.
You know him well enough, unfortunately, that you can immediately sense when he is up to something; an itching in the back of your mind and a dull ache in your heart. Nefarious or not, you have to know what it is.
~
You peer through the door, ajar enough to see your husband in his leather apron sitting at Celebrimbor’s work bench, the forge otherwise empty. He is hard at work, his back to the door, and you can't tell what is consuming all of his attention. Most of his attention.
"Love, why do you linger at the door?" He asks, raising his head and smirking, before turning and leaning with an arm over the back of the chair, beckoning you to him.
You smile hesitantly, fingers fidgeting with the sleeve of your dress as you open the door and cross the room.
He pats his thigh, taking your hand and guiding you to sit in his lap as you wrap your arms around his neck. Leaning forward to nuzzle his nose in your neck, he soaks you up, breathing in your scent and relishing the feeling of you so close. Your anxiety melts, the knots in your stomach untying themselves.
"Are you feeling better, love?" He murmurs, breaking the comfortable silence.
"Yes, much." It is not a lie; simply being with him in his natural habitat soothes your nerves.
He hums in acknowledgement, nose still at your throat, the deep vibration rippling through you.
"I hate to worry about you, darling," he remarks as he brushes his fingers through your hair.
"You'll never have to." You reply softly, drawing back to meet his gaze, so intense, so focused on taking you in.
He smiles wide, his eyes creasing just how you love, a genuine expression that has become more and more rare as his stay in Eregion has gone on. It warms your heart and makes you reach for him once more, planting your lips on his, Sauron making an undignified "hmph" in surprised response.
He could stay there forever in your arms, kissing you softly and languidly, letting himself melt into you. But the reason for his visit to the forge today sits on the bench behind you both, and he cannot forget it.
"I have a gift for you." He pulls away to reach for something on the bench behind you.
“A gift, my love? You are gift enough, I need nothing from you.” You laugh, heat flushing your cheeks as your husband takes your hand.
“How can I call myself the Lord of Gifts if I cannot even gift my wife a small trinket for her devotion?” He teases you fondly, his broad smile reaching his eyes, making them crinkle at the corners in the way that makes you want to kiss every crease and wrinkle from his face just to make them multiply a hundredfold.
“Close your eyes, love,” he tells you, still holding your hand with his other hand behind his back.
You do so with a dramatic sigh, grinning and rolling your eyes.
You feel him slip something cool and smooth onto your finger, and you feel a rush of his power through you that you have not felt in such a long time. You can feel it course through your veins, the towering inferno that is your husband’s will, his might and determination in one tiny object.
“Open.” He commands you, his excitement unmistakable.
A slim golden band graces your finger, radiating your husband’s power. There is something about it, something that makes you never want to take it off.
“Do you like it? Say something,” he laughs nervously, eager to hear your thoughts.
“It is… quite something, my love. Beautiful.” You can’t stop staring at it, the plain golden ring catching the light and throwing off an inner radiance that captivates you.
His face lights up, a wide smile brightening his handsome features as he takes your hand in his once more.
“I wanted to forge us something worthy of our bond. Something to strengthen us, to fortify what we have. To bind us together.” He looks into your eyes hopefully, yearning for the eternal life together that you’ve been denied thus far.
“It is… precious, my love. And if it works, you shall never be rid of me.” You clasp his hand in yours, resting your forehead on his, breathing him in.
“I shall forge one of my own, but yours was more pressing. They shall be a pair when I am done.”
You cannot help but smile fondly at him; thinking of you before himself.
“Thank you, love, I shall never take it off.”
You raise your hand to admire his handiwork, always in such awe of his talents, and notice him eyeing you hungrily.
"Are you quite alright, darling?" You tease him, as he leans over you, a large hand tracing your neck, pushing your hair back over your shoulder.
“I need you,” he murmurs, kissing your neck as he presses you against Celebrimbor’s workbench.
“Not here, love, let’s go home,” you try to push him off, laughing but the thought of being discovered like this in the forge, where anyone could find you, sends a shiver down your spine and your stomach unexpectedly flutters.
“No. Right here.” He runs his hands over your curves, ravenous for what only you can provide him. “Right now. I have to have you.”
He rucks up your skirts, lifting you by your hips onto the bench behind you, baring you to his lustful gaze, and to anyone else who could walk in.
“Is the door locked at least?” You ask him, your stomach still tying itself in knots.
“Of course, love, do you think I want anyone bearing witness to the mere sight of you like this? You are mine, and mine alone.” He growls, deep in his chest, as he grips your thighs, digging into the soft flesh with his fingernails, leaving red crescent marks to mark you as his.
He can’t resist the sight of your wet cunt, has to taste you, flexing his tongue to delve into your entrance as he plays with your swollen clit. He pulls you closer, throwing your legs over his shoulders, gripping your ass to keep your cunt against his face.
You can’t help but roll your hips, begging him for more, riding his face, taking full advantage of the fact that with his regained strength, Sauron doesn’t actually need to breathe.
His iron grip keeps you pinned against him as you arch your back and moan breathily for anyone who might be passing to hear.
He senses your orgasm approaching, and thrusts two long deft fingers inside your cunt, stroking your walls as he laps at your clit. Your body quakes as you give yourself to him, your peak crashing over you with no respite, Sauron drawing every ounce of pleasure he can from your aching cunt with a delicious gleam in his eye.
Finally he gives you some kind of reprieve, drawing back to admire his handiwork.
He wipes his chin with the back of his hand, smirking as he pulls himself up to meet your lips. You can taste yourself on him as he kisses you hard, teeth dragging on your bottom lip, hands kneading greedily at your thighs.
"Are you ready for me, love? Always ready for me, aren't you, always so good..." he gasps in your ear as he slams his cock inside you in one solid thrust, rolling his hips and relishing in the feeling of you, tight and hot around him.
He thinks he hears footsteps on the stairs. He slows his pace just a fraction to listen, not that you seem to notice.
The door swings open a little, but whoever it is does not immediately enter, startled by the noises coming from inside the forge.
Thankfully your back is to the door, and one glare from Sauron sends the smith at the door running back down the stairs, leaving the door ajar. He rolls his eyes and smirks against your lips, crashing his lips into yours with renewed vigour, bucking his hips and slamming his cock deep inside you.
The thought of the world having borne witness to the love you share, it sends him wild and obliterates any sane thought from his mind, the only notion in his head to ravage you senseless.
"So good for me, such a good girl," he murmurs as he takes you in your exhausted glory, your limbs shaking and your cunt quivering.
He leans down to take your nipple in his mouth, mouthing at your tender flesh before nipping with his sharp teeth, a loud moan escaping your throat.
Working his way up to your neck, he lavishes your bare skin with his tongue, sucking hard on the sensitive skin of your throat, making sure to leave a bruise no one will miss.
You whimper as he slips his cock from inside you, marvelling at the state of you, dripping with his cum.
"Always so appreciative, aren't you darling? Always so giving, so grateful to receive whatever I give you. And you've given me everything-"
He picks you up, your arms clinging to his neck as you instinctively wrap your legs around his hips.
"-but you can give me so much more."
He slams his cock inside you again, letting gravity do its work as you're stretched to your limit, moaning as he angles his hips just right so you see stars on every thrust.
"Oh, darling, is that too much?" He mocks you fondly before swallowing your whines, stealing the breath from your lungs in his need, no, greed for you.
With you balanced in his large hands, his muscles flexing with every thrust, he bounces you on his cock like you weigh nothing, as if you were merely a plaything for him to use and spoil and defile. His, and his alone.
He can't get enough of you, of the sight of you ruined and writhing at his touch, desperate for more even as he wrings another orgasm from your overstimulated cunt.
His own peak crashes into him like a wave on the shore, pulsing inside you as your walls clench around him.
"I love you, I love you, love you, love you..." he gasps over and over into your neck, shuddering against you as he leans you back against Celebrimbor’s work bench.
You can do nothing but kiss him, words beyond you, your tongue capable of nothing but kissing your husband.
"So good for me, beautiful girl, so good..." he murmurs softly into your neck as his cock twitches inside you, his seed dripping down your inner thighs.
When your legs stop shaking, he lets you stand, still leaning on him. He combs through your hair with his fingers, tucking it behind your ears. Then he glances down at the mess he's left between your legs and smirks.
"Leave it."
You raise an eyebrow at him, already reaching to clean yourself up before you leave the forge.
"I'll be home soon. I'll do it myself."
You finally realise what he's saying and squirm at the idea of trying to walk home in the state you're in. Defiled in all the ways that count. But the glint in his eye warns you not to argue.
True to his word, he arrives home not long after you, so you don't wait too long for his tongue to clean up the mess he made.
~
There are warning signs. You missed most, if not all of them. Or wilfully ignored them.
But when the siege horns blare, in your heart of hearts, you know it is Sauron’s doing.
The first place you think to find him is the forge, but instead you find Celebrimbor hunched over his bench, painstakingly at work.
"My lord? Do you not hear the horns? We need to leave!" You try to take his arm to hoist him to his feet, but he shudders and throws you off.
He catches you off balance and you stumble, throwing an arm out to steady yourself.
To your surprise, a large warm hand takes yours and keeps you upright.
"I told you not to come here, love." Sauron remarks, his tone eerily neutral, as if you haven't just stumbled into a nightmare.
"I was... I was looking for you." You mutter, still watching Celebrimbor, concerned for his state of mind as he rambles about mice and candles.
"I told you to stay at home where you'd be safe. Was that simple instruction so beyond you?"
Your head snaps toward him as the sharp knife of his words pierces you between the ribs.
A flurry of questions and indignant remarks fills your head but you merely stare at him, mouth agape, as he disregards you, stepping to the bench to inspect his precious rings.
"How much longer?" His impatience has always been dangerous, but it is in this moment you realise just how so.
"Soon... just the final touches, they are nearly complete." Celebrimbor flinches as Sauron places the ring back on the bench and takes his shoulder in hand.
"Do you hear that? I kept the storm at bay but you chose to peel back the curtain. Your city is falling, but the sooner you deliver the rings, the more of your city you save. Do not fail them."
He takes your hand and leads you out of sight, pushing you up against a wall. His large hand wraps around your neck with such ease, it startles you, and you can do nothing but whimper against him.
"I told you not to come here." He whispers in your ear, hot breath tickling your neck.
"I'm sorry-" you gasp as his thumb constricts a little around your throat, "Needed to know you were safe."
He loosens his grip and smiles fondly at you, though not quite letting it reach his eyes, as your hearts pound in unison.
"Oh darling. Aren't you just perfect?" Then he kisses you hard, before turning you around, pressing your face against the cold hard stone.
Your stomach drops as you realise what he's planning. Surely not, not as the city crumbles around you and the Lord of Eregion sits mere feet away?
"Love, no, not now-"
He enters you with a practised touch, knowing exactly how he has to please you to ease his way in. Your body betrays you as he fucks you without mercy, taking his pleasure from your needy moans and wanton gasps as you succumb to the feeling of him drilling into you from behind.
This is new, as usually he delights in studying your face for every microexpression, taking you in as he ravages you. Now it is solely about what he can take from you, the only thought in his head to come as quickly as inhumanly possible.
It leaves you breathless and panting, and when he peaks, you find yourself grinding into him to try and find some kind of release too.
He chuckles in your ear, thrusting his hand between your thighs.
"What's that, love? Weren't you saying no? Do you want me to let you come? Oh you do? You're lucky that your pleasure is mine, or I might not be so giving..."
His words fade to nothing as your ears ring with siege horns and explosions and the mind-bending sensation of orgasming around Sauron’s cock, even as you know what his plans have wrought.
~
“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” you murmur over and over, holding the Lord of Eregion in your lap, trying to heal his wounds well enough that he can finish his work.
The wounds inflicted by the man you call husband in a moment of cruel impatience.
“Amarië, I need him to work, the rings-”
“-will be finished when he can stand. A moment’s peace, for pity’s sake.” You interrupt your husband, turning to look at him to find no pity in his eyes, only jealous rage.
“Let me work, so he can work. This is your doing after all, you should know it will take time.”
Your tone wounds him, the acid in your words corroding his black heart, but he cannot let himself pause in the pursuit of his goal, not when the rings for Men are within such tantalisingly close reach.
The melody you sing over Celebrimbor to knit his flesh eventually soothes his pain and stems the bleeding enough that soon he is sat at his workbench, still wincing, but for your sake, presses on with finishing the rings.
“Watch him, I’ll be back shortly.” Never has Sauron spoken so abruptly with you, and after everything you’ve witnessed today, you’re loath to let him leave with no rebuke.
“After everything He did to you, you would inflict the same torture on someone who has only shown you kindness?”
He glares down at you, only the tiniest furrow of his brow giving anything away about his current train of thought.
"It is… necessary. If he had done what I’d asked, I wouldn’t have been forced to-"
"Absolutely not. Do not do this. Do not blame him for what you have done. That is exactly what Morgoth did to you, what I nursed you through, so don’t try that with me." You’ve never been stern with him before so you’re not sure how he will take it, and frankly neither is he.
“This is not you!”
“But it is me.” He leans in to whisper in your ear. “You just haven’t been paying attention.”
Your stomach drops as he smirks, stalking down the stairs. He looks back up at you a moment.
“Do not let him leave.” His tone cuts you like a knife, and when the door swings closed, you crumble to the floor, head in your arms.
~
"How long have you known?" Galadriel can barely look at you as your tears blind you.
It takes you a long time to answer.
"Too long. I thought he had changed! At first I thought him dead, then he came back so different, I wanted-"
"You wanted your husband." She looks you in the eye, and once again, you feel a wave of nausea overwhelm you.
“It is a twisted, evil fate, that I would take back in a heartbeat, but there is no earthly force that can break us apart. Believe me, I’ve tried.” Your voice breaks and Galadriel cannot help but embrace you; she knows how heavy the bond between couples is, and knows that to try to undo it is a fool’s errand.
“I just want to come home.” You sob into her shoulder, heart breaking for her that she must be the one to comfort you, after all your husband has done to hurt her and her family, and what he has done to your city.
"Are you with me?" She asks, hands on your shoulders as you pull away.
You don't even have to think. Your broken heart speaks for you.
"Whatever it takes."
~
You find him on a cliff's edge, surrounded by orcs that bow and simper as you pass.
"I knew you'd come." He greets you, though he doesn't turn from looking down over the cliff, as if his eye is trained on something no mortal being could see.
"Predictable as always." You quip, but your anger bleeds through and the edge in your voice finally makes him face you.
"You're upset-"
"Oh, really?" You interrupt him with a snort.
"I tried to save Eregion, but Adar-"
"Oh no, don't do that, we both know that was your plan all along. You have always played the long game, don't doubt your abilities now, dear husband."
He smirks, stepping closer, taking your hands in his.
“Tell me the truth, please, just for once.” Your anger and your grief battle for dominance, and even now he feels a tiny pang of guilt.
“You have always known my purpose, my love-”
You interrupt him with your fists, so angry with him now that words fail you. He holds your wrists calmly, impassively, speaking over your outburst as if it had not happened, as if you were merely taking tea on your balcony.
“You have always known that Middle Earth is sick, that it needs healing, and who better than I to do so? I alone have the power and the will to remake this land, and you, my Queen, you will help me fix this broken world.” He is so sincere, smiling down at you as if it is already decided.
You try to pull away, shaking your head and fighting his every movement to keep you in his arms.
“I will not. I cannot, Mairon, I won’t.” You catch yourself and gasp. “Even now, even now I call you by the name you do not deserve.”
The tic in his jaw is back, and he inclines his head slightly, daring you to continue, warning you not to.
“Do you want to hear me say it? The name my kin gave you eons ago? The name you swore was dead and buried, along with your designs to rule the world?”
“You make it sound so inelegant, ‘rule the world’, is it my fault that the peoples of Middle Earth need uniting under a strong leader, one who will bring them the order and balance they so desire?” He is still using that calm, condescending tone that drives you mad, that once soothed you but now feels like fingernails under your skin.
“Is it balance if it is by force? You cannot trick them into acceptance, Mairon.” You know that to reason with him is folly, but you have to try, against all odds, to make him see reason in his madness.
“You want to be worshipped as a god.” You whisper, unable to believe this is the man you married, that you loved. Love. Love, still, as you rail against the feeling, hopeless to break it.
“And you, my goddess. It is as it should be, the right way of things, the people need order, and we can give it to them. You and I.” He traces your face softly, making you shiver. “Only us.”
You fight to break free of his embrace, hands on his chest, but you’re damned if he will let you go, his grip like the iron crown he wishes to place on your head.
"There is no 'us’. Not anymore. There can be no "us", for as long as you are unrepentant, I cannot bear to look upon you." The words taste acrid in your mouth, betraying every feeling still plaguing you deep in your soul.
His face twists, biting back every poisonous word he wishes to fling at you.
"You want to heal Middle Earth? How can one so broken know anything of healing?"
Despite your venom, and the wrenching in your souls, he tenderly holds your chin, upturning your face to him; even now you know exactly who he is, his radiance blinds you. Every heartbeat, every slow exhale, it all seems to stop, as you study his face for what you hope is the last time.
“What makes it worse, what really hurts,” your voice is unsteady, betraying the maelstrom in your heart, “is that in another life, another time, we could have been really happy.” The dam breaks and you cannot help but let a hot tear fall, willing the rest to remain unshed until you are alone.
“Weren’t we?” He seems genuinely confused, crushed even, voice thick with all the things he wants to say, all the things he knows would break you.
The hard expression you’ve worked so hard to maintain cracks; yes, you were, you were so blissfully happy, in those golden days where it was just the two of you, no war, no suffering, just two lovers meeting.
“Do not make me say it,” you choke out, tears now falling freely; gods, you had been so happy, and you wish with all your might to be taken back to those days in your lover’s arms, all tender kisses and warm embraces.
Even in your absolute sorrow, he cannot help but claim you one last time, pressing his lips to yours like you are his last meal on this mortal plain. Unwilling in spirit, but your body melts into him, desperate to forget for just a second before you turn your back on him forever. You can feel the ebb and flow of your souls crackling and churning around you, becoming palpable in the very air you breathe.
You break away first, hesitant to allow this moment to end. But it must.
“Do not go where I cannot follow.” He murmurs into the hollow of your throat, as he grips your hair and pulls your head back. With a heavy sigh you press your lips to his forehead, and back away, his fingers trailing yours as you part.
“You can follow, any time you wish.” Your voice breaks, as does your heart, clean in two, as you turn your back and leave him on that accursed precipice.
The golden ring on your finger seems almost to pulsate with heat; indeed you had quite forgotten it was there. You raise your hand to inspect it, tiny engraved letters filling the band that you had never seen before.
You could feel Sauron’s power in the ring, its binding magic pulling your heart back to the comfort of his embrace.
“Read it.” His voice behind you is hard but pleading, wrenching your heart.
The script on the ring burns red like coals on the fire as you hold it up, trying to make out what he engraved there.
Two Rings to bind what Evil tried to rend,
Two Rings for a King and Queen, their bond none can transcend,
Two Rings to rule them all, a power with no end
A tiny part of you is touched that he poured so much of himself into a ring meant to soften Morgoth’s curse upon the pair of you. The rest of you is incensed that he would use your love to satisfy his craving for power.
“You simply cannot resist, can you?” Your voice shakes with anger as you turn back to face him, his face falling as he realises that perhaps you would not be so easily won.
“I don’t know what you mean,” he shakes his head as if he hasn’t an inkling what might have upset you.
“You know very well. A ring to bind me to you? Very well, you told me what it was when you gave it to me. But a ring to bring you the power you crave? To bind all the other rings of power to you, to dominate the free peoples of Middle Earth with a trinket? I cannot be a part of it!”
You stop for a moment, pausing in the realisation that your husband has not yet, to your knowledge, forged his own ring. Perhaps there is hope.
“I cannot be a part of it. But I will take it with me.” You say, holding up your hand. “For safekeeping.”
He does not argue. Instead he smirks and tells you, “I’d have it no other way.”
Perhaps you should be concerned, but surely it would do more harm in his hands than yours.
“You don’t want this.” For the first time in millennia, his voice shakes as he calls after you.
You turn on your heel and search his face for any sign at all that he might still come with you.
“You don’t know my heart.” It tastes a lie as it leaves your lips, but it’s the only retort you have.
With a soft smile, knowing and terrible, he replies, “Darling, I am your heart.”
The space where your heart used to be twists and shatters, leaving you breathless.
“Then you know how much this hurts. Please, don’t make it worse.” With that, you take your leave, refusing to turn around without him at your back, abandoning him to his chosen fate.
“Amarië,” you hear him softly behind you, as you refuse to look back.
“Amarië, do not foresake me!” It is an interesting choice of words, considering Morgoth’s curse that dooms you both to the other’s absence, and the irony is not lost on you.
“Do not let Him take you from me again!”
You stop in your tracks, turning on your heel.
“This is not His doing, my love.” You hold fast as he stalks towards you, trembling slightly as you take in your husband in all his fury.
He towers above you, taking your face in his hands.
“It is yours.” You whisper, your strength waning as he lowers himself to claim you in a crushing kiss, hands wrapping tightly around your neck and waist.
You can’t breathe, can’t think, can’t do anything but kiss him back with abandon, feel his hands digging into your sides, the pain in your heart-
“Give up this madness. Come with me. Please, you said once you’d do anything for the love of me. So come with me.” You plead with him, grasping his hands tightly as if it were possible to change his mind simply by imbuing his flesh with your will.
After what feels like the longest pause of your life, Sauron gazing into your eyes with an inscrutable expression, he rests his forehead to yours.
“I must heal Middle Earth. And I will do it with or without you.” His voice breaks, like your heart.
You pull away and nod, refusing to look at him.
“Then know this is not your master’s doing, it is entirely your own.”
You turn and start walking, in desperate hope your people will forgive you, will take you in now you have nowhere else to turn.
He screams your name until he is hoarse, but he does not follow. He can always find you; time and space are no obstacles to the likes of your bond.
But that does not fill the hole in his arms where the world used to be, the space meant for you.
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